Monday, January 07, 2008

Overthrow heaven, smash the First World to dust!

The Maoist blog Monkey Smashes Heaven (formerly Shubel Morgan) announces a new column "inspired by various correspondence that we have received." Ask a True Maoist:
MSH is encouraging its readers to email questions to MSH. . . . Please take security precautions and set up anonymous email accounts. . . . We will select questions that we find valuable and provide concise answers for our readers. We may edit the questions for brevity’s sake.

Dear Ask a True Maoist:

Our son, "Colin," is four years old and still has to wear diapers. What should we do?

Collective Mom

Dear Collective Mom:

The penalty for failing to meet socialist diaper-training norms is ten years at hard labor (on the glorious people's Three Gorges Dam) for the child and a bullet in the back of the neck for the parents. A people's police unit is on its way. Long live socialism!

Dear Ask a True Maoist:

My mother-in-law (whom I'll call "Agatha") came for a "week's visit" over a month ago and is still here! We have only two rooms and "Agatha" criticizes everything I do, from the cooking to the bed-making. I feel like I'm going crazy! My husband won't say anything for fear of hurting her feelings. What can I do?

No Privacy

Dear "No Privacy":

We have turned your name and address over to the People's Housing Unit for the addition of two (2) families of not more than eight (8) people each to your household. Long live socialism!

Dear Ask a True Maoist:

My girlfriend, "Alice," says we have to get married or she'll end the relationship. We've been dating for eight years, but I feel we must build socialism first. Who's right here?

Happily Unhitched

Dear HU,

You are. We have arrested "Alice" and sentenced her to five years' hard labor on the glorious people's Three Gorges Dam. Long live socialism!

(posters stolen from MSH, of course)

Update: Durugin is Tagalog (or "Dogalog," as Tim Blair noticed one pundit referring to it as) for something like pound or mince. How rude.

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