Friday, October 28, 2005

Adventures in Adsense

Everybody's tryin' to stifle my creativity with their middle-class, white-bread hangups, man. Like this week? The squares at Adsense kicked me out of the program just because I clicked on my own ad.


But really, you'd think they'd be able to distinguish between five or six (maybe seven) curiosity clicks and wanton greed-clicking, wouldn't you? And what's the big deal, anyway? How much can five clicks be worth? No more than 20 or 30 bucks, right? Right?

Whaddaya mean it's based on traffic?

Lord of the grovel

Anyway, you should have seen my appeal. Masterly. Right away I admitted not only that I had eaten lead paint as a child, but that I still enjoy a bowl of chips in front of the television now and then. All this to cleverly imply, of course, that I'm too dumb to cheat.

And they fell for it.

One last thing. While I was fiddling with the Adsense code I noticed for the first time that the color scheme of this blog is called "Steely Gaze." Just the impression the Drunkablog tries to project. (Psycho-eyes remind you of anything?)

(Nazi poster from a Calvin College collection of photos)

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Hey bloggers! (reprise)

I'm going to keep a link to this post on top for a bit. In it I ask you to comment on whether your friends like your blog, perhaps so far (even) as to read and comment on it. If you've got a minute, could you detail your experience in comments?

Update: Can't believe I forgot the link. Fixed!

Take the "helm," Mr. Sulu

George Takei (Sulu on Star Trek) says he is gay. What is he, a thousand years old? Why'd he wait till now? And who cares?

But get how AP screws up his Star Trek stint: "Takei joined the 'Star Trek' cast in 1973 as Hikaru Sulu, a character he played for three seasons on television and in six subsequent films."

Uh, no. Takei was a cast member of the original Star Trek, which ran from 1966 to 1969, as even the most lackadaisical Google search or half-assed trekkie could have told AP. There was an animated version that began in 1973.

Takei's always great on The Simpsons, though.

Update: Any bets on when the AP does a stealth edit?

Update II: The RMN's version of the same AP story, published about ten minutes ago at 9:07 MDT, is corrected.

Update III: So this is what happens when you run out of things to write about.

Dear Neighbor

Interesting flyer stuck in the door today:
My name is Ginger Wolf, and I am a student at CU in Boulder. I am writing to inform you that I, along with a group of film students from Montana State University, will be filming on your block at the end of this week: Friday, October 28th and Saturday, October 29th. We will do our very best to remain out of the way, and we have observed that your street is not very high-volume to begin with, so we do not anticipate any problems.

We would greatly appreciate your consideration of our efforts on these days, as we are on a tight budget and schedule. We will be filming on the West side of your street, and ask that all cars be removed from this side, and that you refrain from parking on the street as a whole if possible.

I can be reached at ---- if you have an urgent concern, or if you know of something that will affect our plans.
Interesting facts and figures:

  • Ginger should have printed her little flyer in English and Spanish; half the people who live along the street won't be able to read it.

  • They'll be filming right out front, so I probably picked the wrong week to dump the old Bendix out there, or the 1970 Gremlin, or to post my favorite political sign and my 40-foot banner advertising the Drunkablog. (It's like one of those billboards you see all over, a gigantic picture of the Drunkablog news team with some kind of slogan about trust or accuracy or whatever. I forget.)

  • Montana State University? Now we see what happens when we don't control our borders.

  • The Mayor's Office of Art, Culture and Fillum actually issued permits to Ginger et. al. I've got a call in to them, but you know how that goes. And I had to find the number all by myself like some kind of journalist because Ginger Wolf had it wrong in her flyer.)

  • This might be more fun than the parade that wandered by a few months ago.

    (Gremlin ad from; Bendix via the funny J-Walk Blog.)
  • Wednesday, October 26, 2005

    Sox win! Is this the end of JKatPfaP?

    Yes. Baseball is done. The season is over, and it's almost November. Soon, it will be winter, with its cold, its loneliness, its despair. For the Drunkablog there is nothing left to live for except--the final episode of Jimmy Kirkland and the Plot for a Pennant!

    McCarthy has won the pennant for the Bears, and it's time for reconciliations and happy endings all around. McCarthy has not yet admitted his love for Betty, but his friend Swanson, catcher of the Bears, is wise to him.

    They were in bed with the lights out [sic] when Swanson said:

    "Don't worry kid, I wouldn't have a girl no one else wanted."

    "I don't see why I should be especially interested"

    "Cut out the con stuff, Bo," laughed Swanson, relapsing into his old careless baseball phraseology. "You dope around like a chicken with the pip and look at her like a seasick guy seeing the Statue of Liberty and then think no one is onto you."

    Sorry I crammed all the links at the end. If it's too much work, just don't click, okay? Jeez.

    Oddly, it's the White Sox the author of JKatPfaP covered as a journalist, both when they last won the Series (1917, two years after he wrote JKatPfaP) and during the Black Sox scandal in 1919. Previous JKatPfaP posts may or may not explain further.

    (Credits: Beatles pennant (it doesn't say "Die, Beatles," it says "The Beatles" in, like, German) from, which stupidly doesn't allow links; Female Convict cover (rowwwwr!) is from Kate's Library, which has some other neat covers and links to still more; and every other link is self-explanatory.)

    Tuesday, October 25, 2005

    A question

    Look, fellows! Or rather, hey bloggers! As a semi-newbie at the sport, I have a question:

    Do your friends like your blog? I mean, really like it, perhaps even so much as to actually, you know, read it?

    And by "friends" I don't mean the pervs and weirdos who haunt your blog, but your flesh-and-blood friends--the pervs and weirdos you actually hang out with.

    If they do like your blog, how do they express it? Are they vague ("Blog. Good.")? Do they offer suggestions? Do they give good comment?

    Have any friends actually told you they don't like your blog? If so, aside from dismembering and disposing of the body, how did you take it?

    My experience thus far, I have to admit, is that my closest friends, if not actively dislikeful of the Drunkablog, are, at best, neutral. Only one has read it with any regularity (and he hasn't for a while) and, while all of them show up occasionally, none seems inclined to become involved in the give and take, as it were. So I'm asking, what's it like for other bloggers?

    Next week: And your family? What do they think of this strange obsession of yours? Do you even know?

    Update: Check out Oz blogger Caz's thoughtful and funny--how do people do that?--take on friends, relatives and blogging, in the comments to this post.

    Monday, October 24, 2005

    Keeping you safe from left deviationism! It's NorthDenverTribuneWatch!

    Time for another edition of NorthDenverTribuneWatch. Let's see "what's happenin'" in North Denver this bi-week!

    Rude Recreation Center, just south of the new Mile High Stadium, is haunted. Reporteress Linda King, reporting for the Tribune, reports:

    La Llorana wanders the riverbed alongside the Rude Recreation Center at night, says 33-year-veteran Darlene Robles. She cries, grief stricken and tormented for her drowned children--murdered by her own hand. . . .
    (Full disclosure: I belong to Rude Rec, and I wish they'd pay a little less attention to La Llorana's grief and torment and a little more to the grief and torment caused by some of their goddamn rickety weight machines.)

    [Another] old-timer, Nick Nichols[,] has stories about the haunting at Rude Center that go back 30 years. "I hear someone," he says, "jumping on the diving board in the pool." . . . He indicates there's not anything peculiar about the sound of a swimmer going off the diving board at a Recreation Center's pool. Unless, he says, you understand "we had the diving boards taken out ten years before that."
    (Fuller disclosure: the Drunkablog will need his nightlight tonight. Then again, maybe not; it's pretty scary too.) Here's the art that ran with the piece:

    Photoshopped--or not? La Llorana is fresh from a dip in
    this exclusive Tribune photo.

    Now that's gentrification!

    A brief on page three begins, "Jefferson Park developer Barbara Baker is renovating this building on 26th Avenue. . . . If you know about the people and businesses that have occupied this building please
    contact. . . " Here's a slightly better picture than the one the Trib ran:

    Since it's only a block from my house, I know a couple of things about the structure. First, for the last eight years at least it's been a biker hangout. Second, when I say "biker hangout," I mean of course that bikers actually ride their Harleys around inside the place.

    The new owner was there today and I asked what the "lofts" would sell for. He said "Oh, there's no telling what we'll be asking. $350,000 or more." Wonder if the bikers get first shot? Whatever; this just hastens the inevitable day the Drunkablog spread is voted out of the neighborhood--for good.

    "The Great Empire Rolling Over"

    That's this issue's guest editorial, by a guy laboring under the name "Bill Bonner." Let me quote the last paragraph just for yocks:

    America has grown old and decadent, along with its leading corporations. The voters still vote. But who really cares what they vote for? The empire has a life of its own...a destiny to be fulfilled...a banana peel to slip on. The people vote, but it is the custodians, the managers and politicians who run the great empire who get the loot.

    This in a newspaper that has a "pet of the week." I bet Green Left Daily doesn't have a "pet of the week." (This week's pet: "Teddy Graham. Breed: Unknown. Quote: 'I would sit in your lap if you let me because I am so spoiled. Just pet me and I am your friend.'")

    Ooh! Ooh!

    They have a Columbus Day protest story! Aw, nothing interesting except one quote: "'I'm very against celebrating Columbus. He was a genocidal maniac and this parade is a genocidal convention that celebrates him.'"

    End NorthDenverTribuneWatch.

    Update: Drunkablog must point out here that Rude Rec is actually a wonderful, and well-maintained, facility. I definitely don't want them pissed at me. They have these cool t-shirts that say RUDE across the front in five-inch letters. If I'm nice maybe they'll give me one. (Hey, shilling for freebies! Look ma, I'm a journalist!)

    Sunday, October 23, 2005

    Memo re: Acceptable office decor

    As noted last week, I've had a tombstone sitting in my office for years without anyone ever mentioning it.

    But there's something in this cursed hovel that's been even more bizarrely ignored: a quite flattering portrait of Kim Jong Il (on the floor here to eliminate what professional photogs ("shamuses") call "wall glare"):

    It hangs right inside my office door, unmissable. When I'm working with a patient (I'm an editor) there usually comes a point where he or she wanders around the office looking at stuff. Sooner or later he or she will stand in front of Kim. He or she will read the copy. He or she will rub his or her chin thoughtfully. He or she will--wander vaguely away.

    Interesting facts and figures:

  • This is a full-page ad from a 1997 New York Times Book Review. It plugs volume I of Kim's "authorized" biography (no other kind, of course, at least in North Korea), Kim Jong Il: The Lodestar of the 21st Century. Good reading, I bet.

  • The frame was a wedding gift.

  • Isn't it nice?

  • The copy is fairly funny in that robotic commie way laughed at by sane people the world over:

    The respected Comrade Kim Jong Il, who is endowed [sic] with uncommon ideological-theoretical ability, outstanding leadership and lofty virtues, is the great sun of the 21st century.

    Professor Edmond Jouve at the University of Paris 5, told the symposium [what symposium?].

    This work of His Excellency Kim Jong Il's admirably systematizes his excellent thoughts on outstanding themes. I read this work and discussed it with my colleagues. They also agreed with me and expressed their deep admiration. Frankly speaking [sic], it is very difficult for a thought, however excellent it may be, and for its authority to be recognized by stongly [sic] self-respecting European scholars. However, His Excellency Kim Jong Il has come to be accepted by Europeans and is highly respected as a great thinker-theoretician for this well-known work.

  • Yeah, sure.

  • So does this professor have family being held hostage in North Korea, or did they just set him up with no fewer than two (2) underage boys and take pictures?
  • Mmmmm, bunnies

    There's a bunch of those funny (I think) "30-Second Bunnies Theater" movie adaptations here, including the classics It's a Wonderful Life and Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

    (via that cesspit of laughter and sin, the History News Network blog Cliopatra)

    Friday, October 21, 2005


    According to "the" census bureau (quotes so you don't have to ask, "to which census bureau could our rheumy eyed booze snaffler be referring?") 36 percent of U.S. households keep at least one dog. But today's Denver Post says 44 percent of front-range households conceal a dog or two. This means, of course, that we are the biggest suckers in the country.

    Good a reason as any for some pics of that conqueror of worlds, Billy Bob:

    "Every day in every way I'm getting smarter and smarter."
    (Enlarge and check out his eyes, man.)

    This looks just like a scene from Bonanza, don't it? Hoss: That dog done just caught him a durn frisbee, pa. Pa: I hate dogs. Shoot 'im, Hoss. Hoss: Aww, pa, cain't Little Joe shoot him? Little Joe: Bang. Hoss: You just shot Pa in the haid, Little Joe! Adam, Little Joe just shot Pa in the haid! Adam: [silence--left show last year], etc., etc.

    Yet another shot with Beelzebob mouthing some form of frisbee.
    Hey, I'm sick of it too. But let's see you try to take it
    away from him; I've already got my scars.


    Head of the New Black Panther Party and Drunkablog hero Malik Shabazz was on Michael Medved's radio show today, along with filmmaker Mark Levin, whose new movie Protocols of Zion is an attempt "to understand and challenge those who believe that the Jews were responsible for 9/11." Naturally, Malik, as one of the more prominent of those believers, was interviewed for the movie.

    To Medved, Malik spouted the usual "how can I be anti-semitic when I'm a semite" line (actually he went that one better: "I'm a Muslim, I'm a Jew, I'm the original man"). For his part Medved threatened to throw Malik off the show if he didn't quit claiming that 2 million Palestinians were forced from their homes by Israel in 1948 ("Even Arafat never claimed that many.")

    So an idiotic argument over whether Jews were warned not to go to work on 9/11 quickly degenerated into Malik's even stupider spluttering about reparations, the "uncounted" number of Palestinians killed by Israel, and Malik's belief that Medved doesn't "even have the spiritual heart to realize that the real racist organization is the United States."

    In other words, yada yada blah blah, oink oink, tweet. The one great moment was the caller who--in the midst of all this islamist-black power cant--identified himself as "Joe from the Great White North." He didn't mean anything by it, he was just greeting Medved in a jocular manner.

    Wednesday, October 19, 2005

    Loser predicts winner

    In honor of tonight's win by St. Louis* in the NLCS, it's time for this week's episode of Jimmy Kirkland and the Plot for a Pennant!

    Our hero Jimmy "Kohinoor" McCarthy has been falsely accused by a newspaper of consorting with gamblers. This is his first game back after being suspended by team manager Clancy.
    Thirty thousand persons were packed into the big stands on the Bears' Park, and ten thousand other camped in the outer field seats when the teams ran out to play that day.

    The little scattering applause that greeted [McCarthy] grew and grew until the crowd applauded heartily and gave round after round of applause for the third baseman. It was the American spirit of fair play and justice revealing itself, and the crowd accepting Manager Clancy's confidence in his third baseman, rendered its verdict of not guilty in cheers.
    (Credits: Manager Clancy is actually John McGraw (the little fat guy; the other guy is the "Tall Tactician," Connie Mack. You don't want to know what they're doing with that bat), picture from the National Baseball Hall of Fame; "big stands" pic is actually of the 1941 all-star game in Detroit, from the Detroit News; pic of crowd sitting in the outfield is by the inimitable Drunkawife; and the baseball players running onto the field are actually Iowa Hawkeye football players, courtesy (well, they don't actually know I used it) of the University of Iowa in, let's see here, Iowa.

    *Shut up.

    Update: Earlier (and vital) Cardinals post here.

    Tuesday, October 18, 2005

    Eleemosynary and educational matters discussed

    Please note that the Drunkablog is now begging for money in small-time pathetic-loser-type ways that signal the utter failure of his blog. Help the Drunkablog humiliate himself further by hitting the Paypal and Google ad buttons as often as possible (insert threatening Homer voice with optional fist-shaking here): Hiiiiit them. Thank you.

    I looked at Wikipedia's entry on Adsense, by the way, and now I'm one of the select few who knows what a Vickrey auction is. So I've got that going for me. I've also learned how many dicey schemes, Ponzi and otherwise, Adsense can involve the junior blogger in without the junior blogger hardly even knowing it, hardly.

    But the Wikipedia piece explains reassuringly that "Many sites use AdSense to monetize their content . . . ," which, amazingly, is exactly what the Drunkablog wants to do. It continues:
    They do this in three ways:

    They use a wide range of traffic generating techniques including but not limited to online advertising.

    They build valuable content on their sites; content which attracts AdSense ads and which pay out the most when they get clicked.

    They use copy on their websites that encourage clicks on Ads. Note that Google prohibits people from using phrases like "Click on my AdSense ads" to increase click rates. Phrases accepted are "Sponsored Links" and "Advertisements."
    Sponsored links? Valuable content? Including but not limited to? The Drunkablog hears, but the Drunkablog does not understand.

    Absence relished

    Like many others, the Drunkablog indeed noticed that Cindy Sheehan had gone missing, and was properly thankful for it. What do you think she's been doing? Still riding around the country on that special bus of hers?

    (via Instapundit)

    Update 10/19/05: They're trying to put Cindy in with the normal kids again, and it's not working. (via Drudge)

    Monday, October 17, 2005

    Communist plot noted

    It's odd how every story I've read about the Millions More March this weekend missed all kinds of neat stuff any ordinary American citizen could have spied from his own little hegemonate (if it receives C-Span).

    The speakers, of course, were uniformly the kind of mealy mouthed revolutionaries, self-aggrandizing separatists, crypto-marxist power-fisters and stuttering seditionists who went so strangely unobserved by the media at the D.C. anti-war protest last month.

    And they missed them again. The Washington Post's account, after mentioning that Louis Farrakhan had charged the federal government with "criminal neglect," focused on the crowd and said nothing about what speakers like Erykah Badu, who is absolutely clueless, the racist Malik Shabazz (there were any number of out-and-out racists who spoke, but no news outlet mentioned that, either), and of course Louis Farrakhan actually said in their speeches. Newsday also focused on the crowd, emphasizing how many there were nostalgic for the Million Man March in 1995.

    The AP--whose story CNN, Newsday, and CBS ran, also mentioned the "criminal neglect" charge against the Bush administration for its response to Hurricane Katrina, but quoted only one other speaker, Jesse Jackson.

    The New York Times did a little better, mentioning Farrakhan's demand that America "acknowledge her wickedness to the indigenous people of this hemisphere; acknowledge the wickedness of slavery and the trans-Atlantic slave trade; acknowledge what you did in robbing our fathers of their names, their language, their culture, their religion."

    Fine, fine. And the Times actually disclosed what Farrakhan thinks blacks should do to change things: "'We need to think about a new political party,' Mr. Farrakhan said. 'The Democrats have used us and abused us. They look at the black and the brown and the poor like this is a plantation, and our Democratic leaders are like the house Negro on the plantation of Democratic politics.'"

    Gotta agree with Louie there. The Times continued,

    With scant hope of help from white America, Mr. Farrakhan said, blacks must help themselves by establishing their own ministries of health and human services, agriculture, education, defense, justice, art and culture, trade and commerce, information and science and technology.

    That's what he said all right. But of course the Times, like everyone else, left out the possibly salient fact that Farrakhan also said that all these wonderful ministries would be run along strictly Stalinist lines. For the MSM this fact apparently wasn't relevant to the message the march was supposed to convey.

    And it also wasn't relevant that when he got talking about his "ministry of art and culture" Farrakhan revealed who he really worships (it ain't Allah), telling of how

    Mao Tse Tung . . . had a billion people whose lives he had to transform. Many of them were victims of opium, drugs, prostitution--like we are.

    But what Mao Tse Tung did, what Mao Tse Tung did was, he went to the cultural community, and they [Farrakhan spreads his arms beneficently] accepted his idea.

    And then through song, through dance, through poetry, through drama, through documentaries, through movies, through books that are written [as opposed to books that aren't written. Sorry.], the idea of Mao Tse Tung became the idea of a billion people, and China became a world power on the base of the culture and the arts community. If we had a ministry of art and culture in every city we'd create this movement [in the U.S.].

    None of this is mentioned in any news account.

    Oh, and one other thing that went unmentioned in all the post-march accounts (except this one): a prominent black gay activist was prevented from speaking, days after Farrakhan had reluctantly okayed it. Ah, the ever-conflicting values of multiculturalism.

    Update: Farrakhan's first mention of Mao comes at 3:25:19 of part two of C-Span's coverage. Listen to it. The way he says the mad tyrant's name is absolutely chilling.

    Update II: Other stuff the MSM ignored: Farrakhan's approving mentions of Castro (who he said offered to send 1500 English-speaking doctors for Katrina relief efforts and to give 500 scholarships for American blacks to study medicine in Cuba); his claim, apropos of nothing, that 70,000 children were being held in "sex slavery" in the U.S.; and finally his strange-even-for-him claim that the "All-African People's Revolutionary Party" had told him Native Americans were willing to "lease" millions of acres of land for blacks to homestead. Yeah, right.

    Update III, things that didn't fit: Couldn't stand to watch the whole rally, but in the considerable portion I did watch there was not a single joke or piece of self-deprecating humor uttered by anyone. This is both typical and significant. Finally, because I couldn't weasel it in anywhere else, here's a Drunkablog reprise of Roger Clinton's North Korean "song."

    Thursday, October 13, 2005


    One day when I was still in high school my sainted mother nagged me away from the bong long enough to dig up a flagstone patio in the back yard. This patio stood in the way of progress in the form of a redwood deck my mother wanted to build, and was ugly as hell to boot, having been laid with green, purple and red flagstones.

    So I got my trusty shovel and started digging. Putridly colored as it was, the patio had been built well; larger and much heavier stones were laid underneath to form a level substrate. These stones, I eventually noticed, were shaped amazingly like tombstones. Odd.

    It was probably several hours later (remember the bong?) that I finally noticed something else: there was writing on these stones. Writing like this:

    It wasn't much of a mystery. My mother's house, which is (now) close to 150 years old, had once been owned by a headstone maker, and he'd laid the patio with his bad jobs. Well, duh-uh (aka "double-duh").

    Interesting facts and figures:

  • One of my brothers-in-law took all the other tombstone pieces so he could lay a walkway at their house with the writing face up. For some reason he never did. He is still married to my sister.

  • Little Clara's tombstone has been sitting prominently in this very office for more than seven years, and of the no-doubt scores of people I've processed through here, not one has commented, ever, on its presence. Poor Clara. Poor me.

  • Poem bring a tear to your eye? No? Oh, you probably think Pinter could do better, you commie rat.

    (ugly boots from Cowboy Showcase.)

  • Update: Neither "mother" is the Drunkablog's real mother, of course, no matter how much he may wish one were. The first, in fact, should be familiar to regular readers if any as the fetching "Mother Watson," whom the Drunkablog introduced here and whom he digs up (!) at need. (Hey, this post is kind of Halloweenie!)

    Wednesday, October 12, 2005

    It's Wednesday? Then it's JKatPfaP!

    Yes, it's time for another thrilling edition of Jimmy Kirkland and the Plot for a Pennant!

    [Betty] had steadily increased the speed again until the indicator kept constantly around the forty-five mile mark. The speed was terrific and made conversation almost impossible.

    "We ought to make it easily," [McCarthy] yelled. "You're a heroine. But hadn't you better rest? You must be tired," he screamed over the noise of the car.

    "Arms are cramped," she replied, without lifting her eyes from the road ahead.
    Fourteen miles in 21 minutes? Big deal. My Ford Escort can do that.
    And Betty's face looks like a flatiron. (Why must I always, always destroy the mood?)

    (Credits: Kenny Rogers appears courtesy of this site, the name of which means "looking for my feet" in Spanish; shaky speedometer by Henry Lim (his other photos are great too); Cramps concert poster from Filmmaker: The Magazine of Independent Filmmaking; and I have no idea where I got the picture of the arm-abusing nurses.)

    Update: Last week's Jimmy Kirkland adventure here.

    Tuesday, October 11, 2005

    Warmed over

    A few more photos from the epic Columbus Day parade/protest Saturday.

    Two Rockies players getting seriously beeroid while waiting for the parade. Time: 9:15 a.m. You can't blame them. How would you like to live in the visitors' dugout year-round?

    "Shit, is that egg on my tie?"

    And one more pic of the parade itself:

    Monday, October 10, 2005

    Blogger late to cover Nobel Prize story by only single week

    There were so many interesting sidelights to the story of the Australian scientists who won the Nobel Prize for medicine last week. The most obvious, of course, was that the wackier of the two tested their ground-breaking discovery--that stomach ulcers were caused by a previously unknown bacteria, Helicobacter pylori--by actually drinking the stuff. It messed him up good:

    Next time put a head on it: Artist's conception of Australian
    scientist Barry Marshall seconds after drinking a frosty mug of Helicobacter Pylori.

    Less obvious was the scientists' corollary debunking of a couple of powerful 60s memes: that of the driven New Yorker--the adman, the scriptwriter, the creative, hurry-up, let's-run-it-up-the-flagpole-and-see-whose-pants-fall-down type; and of his near-opposite, the corporate apparatchik, for both of whom smoking and drinking and stress inevitably led to that most with-it of the wages of sin, the peptic ulcer.

    But it was just a bug, eminently treatable with antibiotics, after all.

    The really amazing (and beautiful) aspect of the story is the wealth of insights that have stemmed directly from the discovery of H. pylori. A few NYT articles give an idea:

  • How the bacteria lives in drinking water;

  • How it was fingered as the cause of virtually all stomach cancers;

  • How it became one of the first bacteria to have its genetic code sequenced;
  • How it contributed to the discovery of the wonders of broccoli;

  • And finally, how it illustrated the fact that decades can pass between important scientific discoveries and their recognition by other scientists. Not bad.
  • Update: Damn, I always forget the trivia: What movie is the purported likeness of Barry Marshall taken from?


    Blogging makes you paranoid, thank God. Paranoia led the Drunkablog to figure out that the wonderful Dan Rather quote he has bannered the last couple of weeks is inaccurate. I've taken it down, so here it is as originally added:

    "You know it isn't right to call...sleaze it up, dumb it down, 'tard it up, go for so-called soft news, when so know it isn't right.--Dan Rather."

    Oh how I loved that quote. And it's accurate, in the sense that I correctly quoted a transcript (by Radioblogger) of Rather's instantly famous interview with Marvin Kalb. But Radioblogger himself was inaccurate in one word of that quote: Dan did not say "'tard." He said "tart," as in "tart it up."

    So the Drunkablog was the one who was retarted (not 23 bucks worth, though) for not checking the quote. Even Algore was more accurate. Drunkablog so wanted to believe.

    But here's the weird part: Radioblogger's transcript is gone, and links to it, including Hugh Hewitt's, now go to the Radioblogger main page. Why? Was it just, like, really off? I read the whole thing at the time, and it sounded like typical Rather to me. So what's the problem? For pity's sake, now I can't even prove I quoted Radioblogger accurately.

    (But I did.)

    Update: By far the funniest headline about the interview was Jim Geraghty's: "Rather: CBS won't let me find real killer."

    Update II: Un-frickin'-believable. And why isn't it bigger news that Dan has turned an ugly shade of green? (via LGF)

    Blogger reveals rich inner life

    For a surly loner like the Drunkablog, spam e-mails are a lifeline to people who care. Here's one from my good friend "Beau Silva" (my e-mail pals have such great names too), who responds to an apparent question about the way the fatty livered one attires himself: "Re: Yokel: Dressing to impress." Haven't read it yet, but I imagine he'll tell me to ditch the knit cap. Never!

    Here's another, from my very special Indian pal "Ross Singh": "Do you know . . . I love you uqfktqfaun?" That's his pet name for me, "uqfktqfaun." And yes, Ross, I do know, and it means everything to me.

    Saturday, October 08, 2005

    Denver Columbus Day Parade! With special mystery guest "Mr. WC"!

    The Drunkablog actually finished throwing up early enough to make it to the Columbus Day Parade and counter-protest in downtown Denver this morning.

    And after all the hype, it was a fairly tame affair, by which I mean there were few if any arrests. Here are some pictures, with comments where necessary (i.e., everywhere):

    Coors Field at the end of the parade route. The area was nearly deserted half an hour before the parade started.

    Freeze, mo-fo's!

    Kitchie-kitchie Kulturkampf: Neo-Nazi family unit
    being interviewed by a Rocky Mountain News reporter (see updates IV and V at once!).

    The flyer the boy Nazi was passing out.

    Cops 'n' protesters . . .

    . . . 'n babies on sticks.

    And surprisingly, Ward Churchill was there. Don't know if he'd just returned from hangin' with Hugo in Venezuela, as had been rumored, but he didn't do anything here except watch and chat and smoke cigarettes.

    Look out, Ward!: An impale-o-baby almost drips brains on Ward Churchill.

    The guy in the mask freaks me out.

    Drunkablog did not know that.

    Die-in + blood + costumed mourners = fun!

    And finally, an innovation: Protesters carry off their own dead. I assume they did this to avoid breaking Denver's anti-obstruction ordinance.

    Drunkablog readers: More pictures por favor!

    Glenn Morris, who has organized the Columbus Day protest for many years.

    Talk about selling out. I was standing next to Morris when the parade was almost over. What appeared to be the top cop there, whom Morris called, I believe, "Ray," came over and said "Good job, Glenn." And they shook hands.

    Surprisingly voluminous KHOW radio guy Craig Silverman (he sounds like a midget with a head cold), who with partner Dan Caplis has covered the Ward Churchill dustup almost from the beginning--though, of course, after Drunkablog was "on it."

    Phew, a bandanna. Finally it's a real protest.

    Pretty much.

    Update: Unfortunately my camera chose yesterday to (literally!) implode, so I've been using a borrowed 2-megacrapsel thing with a 32-mb card. In other words, I didn't get many photos of the actual, you know, parade. In fact, the last two above were the only decent ones. You aren't missing much. It was small (heavy on the motorcycles) and reasonably defiant as it marched past the protesters, who booed and yelled "Shame!" Fine, fine.

    Update II: The Rocky's story, oddly, is by AP reporter Judith Kohler. Look, I swear the Nazi told me the guy who interviewed him was from the News. Maybe they're going to use his story as the "story of record."

    Update III: Since, as I point out above, Glenn Morris and the cops appeared to be cooperating completely, the Rocky's headline--"Protesters attempt to block parade route"--is utterly bogus. They were out of the way several minutes before the parade got there--as the story points out.

    Update IV: Lisa Jones of RockyWatch says in comments that the reporter looks like Jim Spencer of the Post. This means, of course, that the Nazi lied to me. The Nazi lied to me. Or maybe he was just dumb. Yeah, that's it.

    Update V: It was Spencer, all right:

    Spencer: A severe case of compassionate head tilt.

    Friday, October 07, 2005

    The Drunkablog: Not marching for social justice!

    Tomorrow is the annual Columbus Day Parade and Mass Arrest here in Denver. The Drunkablog will give it the full--well, the mini-Zombie if he can drag his huge yet shapely ass out of bed early enough.

    But Transform Columbus Day activities actually began this afternoon, with the (also annual) Four Directions March, which is actually four (4) marches, one from each compass point (spiritual shit; Drunkablog readers wouldn't understand) that converge downtown for no doubt loads'o lefty elocutin'.

    The northern gathering point being mere yards from the Drunkablog manse, he walked down and got a few pics:

    Irony alert: North side gathering point was
    at Viking Park. Yarney-varney!

    The sign says "Real Eyes, Realize, Real Lies." The flag says "End U$ Terror."

    This dude yelled to some middle school kids in the crowd, "What's the 10th Amendment say?" They didn't know. "Power to the People!" he yelled. Then he made them yell "power to the people." Then he followed me around until I took his picture. He's making a heart.

    Montezuma's headdress blends into the tree quite artily, doesn't it? Drunkablog meant to do that.

    Okay, here's a shot of the the two guys who were actually
    holding the "End U$ Terror" flag. Notice anything missing?

    Identity concealing bandannas! The one accessory no well-dressed anarchist can be without. But guys, you should really conceal your faces before "The Man" (i.e., Drunkablog) takes your picture with his super-secret sleuthing camera.

    It was actually a fair-sized crowd. Maybe 300 or so.

    But of course there was mass transit for the ride home.

    More pictures tomorrow!

    Update: The Rocky Mountain News' account quotes another marcher's sign: "Columbus was a terrorist."

    Wednesday, October 05, 2005

    Horatio Alger quote postponed by baseball

    In recognition of this special time of the year, the Drunkablog, in association with Drunkablog Productions and Peter Guber, presents

    Jimmy Kirkland and the Plot for a Pennant!

    What do you think of that kid, Slats?" inquired Manager Clancy.

    "He's a ballplayer, if he don't swell," responded Hartman, laconically.

    A swarm of reporters descended upon the headquarters of the visiting team, striving to discover something of the history of the slender, red-haired youngster whose coming had revived the waning pennant hopes of the Bears.

    Written on the flyleaf of A Plot for a Pennant. "Gran Mother Martin" is my great-grandmother, as you might surmise from her spelling.

    "It's a secret, boys," responded Clancy to their insistent questions. "He is nom de plume and habeas corpus. The only place I ever heard of him playing ball was in Cognito."
    "Suppress the comedy and ease us the legit," pleaded Riley, who wrote theatricals when he was not inventing English in the interest of baseball. "What'll we call him?"

    "Say," replied Clancy enthusiastically. "I dreamed last night I had found a pot of gold wrapped up in a million-dollar bill, with a diamond as big as my hand on top of it. Call him Kohinoor."

    So Kohinoor McCarthy sprang into fame in a day as the mystery of the league.
    Kohinoor introduces himself to a teammate in
    a very odd (not gay!) manner.

    Written by Hugh S. Fullerton, Jimmy Kirkland and the Plot for a Pennant was published in 1915 and may have had a role, according to no less an authority than Gene "Two Finger" Carney on his website Notes from the Shadow of Cooperstown, in the legendary Black Sox Scandal of 1919. Carney explains (but read the whole thing by scrolling down to "Life imitates Art Dept."):

    Jimmy Kirkland and the Plot for a Pennant was published by the John C. Winston Company in Philadelphia in 1915. It was the third in a trilogy of Jimmy Kirkland books. What makes the book most interesting is its author -- Hugh S. Fullerton, the fellow who did his best to uncover the Fix of 1919 while reporting for the Chicago Herald & Examiner, during the Series, right after, and then again that December.

    Fullerton's Jimmy Kirkland series is for juveniles, but it stands up well as good baseball literature. Fullerton was not just a good reporter, he was an early analyst, a "dopester" who got people's attention when he predicted the "Hitless Wonder" White Sox would topple those dynastic Cubs in the 1906 Series, and they did, 4 games to 2.

    Fullerton wrote major-league level books and articles on baseball strategy, and that spills over in his fiction.

    Now here is the Twilight Zone part of the story. In his 1915 novel, gamblers and players conspire to throw games. Actually just one player -- the team's ace Lefty, last name Williams. It seems Lefty is in debt and owes the thug [named "Barney Baldwin"] who is orchestrating events. So though he is normally a fine control pitcher, he walks some batters that lead to runs and to losses. . . .

    The fixers in 1915 also try to frame the team's third baseman. I wish his name was Buck, but it wasn't -- his nickname was Kohinoor, a tag that never became very common, for some reason. (The Kohinoor Diamond was famous back then.) The third baseman is actually the hero of the book, surviving a kidnapping in the nick of time, to save the pennant.

    Fullerton includes a self-portrait, I do believe, in the character "Technicalities" Feehan, a writer who keeps track of all sorts of odd stats. His calculations of the number of hits toward third base, with and without Williams on the mound, helps convince the manager that the fix is in, and "Technicalities" has a later role in the rescue of the hero. If you keep Hugh Fullerton's face in mind as you read the book, it's really fun. . . .

    What is interesting is that Fullerton wrestles, for 340 pages, with some terrific questions. What should a player do, if he suspects his teammate is laying down for gamblers -- or for anybody, even for the team owner? What's a manager to do,when things start smelling foul?

    If Kid Gleason had read Fullerton's book, he'd have gotten this idea: confront the player (eg, Lefty Williams), tell him you know what's going on, then make a counter-threat: I'll let you pitch, but I have people in the stands with flyers, ready to tell the fans that you are tossing the game. If you don't win, these flyers will be released, and the fans will tear you apart before you can reach the dugout. Any questions?

    Given that choice (in the most crucial game yet), Lefty tries his best, but still is tapped for a couple runs. Fortunately, his team rallies, and another pitcher finishes the game. A happy ending for the good guys, of course. Not like 1919 in that

    respect, either. . . .

    When the suspicions surrounding the third baseman are proved phoney, and he next takes the field, the crowd responds with round after round of applause. "It was the American spirit of fair play and justice revealing itself, and the crowd, accepting Manager Clancey's confidence in his third baseman, rendered its verdict of not guilty in cheers." Buck Weaver never got to hear such applause from any major league ballpark crowds, but I suspect that as he toured around playing "outlaw ball," he heard something similar, from fans who knew he played the 1919 Series to win. Jimmy Kirkland and the Plot for a Pennant may have been read by Kid Becker, Abe Attell, Billy Maharg, and others.

    What an irony that would be, if Hugh Fullerton -- no one was more determined to uncover the Big Fix of 1919 --had the idea first.

    Pretty wild. More fascinating to the easily distracted Drunkablog is that in this drawing Kohinoor's left arm is about eight feet long. The artist, Charles Paxson Gray, had serious problems with perspective.

    Heh, indeed

    Compare this Drunkadork post from last Thursday with this post from Instapundit today. Way first, and (slightly) more funny. Advantage: Drunkablog!

    Damn you, Blogger

    Damn you to Hell.

    Monday, October 03, 2005

    Anti-Columbus Day group makes an offer Denver will refuse

    The group is Transform Columbus Day, a front for the Colorado American Indian Movement of which Ward Churchill and Glenn Morris have been leaders for many years. The Rocky's Charlie Brennan has the report:

    Activists presented Mayor John Hickenlooper today with four requests they say must be met to avoid a confrontation Saturday between Columbus Day parade participants and those who oppose it. Their letter to Hickenlooper and to the city council asks the following:

  • That Hickenlooper and the Council make an "unequivocal declaration that celebrations of Christopher Columbus should end in Denver because such displays are historically flawed, and divisive to our community."

  • That the city facilitate a dialogue with members of the American Indian and Italian-American communities to foster better relations and create celebrations that honor all groups and their contributions "to the Americas."

  • That money previously spent on "paying overtime to riot police" be spent, in part, on health, homelessness and educational projects involving American Indian
    people in Denver."

  • That the Mayor and Council endorse a review of the Denver Public Schools for the teaching about Columbus and "U.S. policy of expansion."

    The letter, from the Leadership Council of the American Indian Movement of Colorado and the Elders' Council of the Colorado AIM chapter, states that if those request [sic] are met, it will withdraw its plans to protest Saturday's Columbus Day parade. The activists' letter asks for a city response by Thursday.

  • Gee, Ward, is that all? Heck, if you'd just told us what you wanted 15 years ago we could have avoided all these stupid protests. So, okay, we'll stifle the Italians' right to free speech, celebrate the Sandinistas' contribution to the Americas (oh, sorry Ward, you didn't like the Sandinistas much either, did you?), give tons of money to leftist organizations you do like, and teach our children that America has committed and continues to commit genocide against Native Americans.

    Anything else?

    By the way, after last year's Columbus Day debacle and its aftermath the city passed two ordinances in an effort, according to the Denver Post, to "thwart chaos" during the parade. Transform Columbus Day's response?

    "The city is fighting the last war with these ordinances," said Mark Cohen, a member of the Transform Columbus Day Alliance. "They passed these ordinances based on what we did last year, and what we plan on doing this year is different." Cohen declined to elaborate, other than to say the protests would involve street theater. "It will be a creative way to make the parade organizers aware of what it is they're actually celebrating."

    Now, some might think this means "Cue the giant puppets!" But remember, Wardo hates giant puppets as much as right-wingers do. His preferred street theater, in fact, has always been violence. Look for lots of arrests this year.

    Update: Commenter Shawn at Pirate Ballerina points out that on its website Colorado AIM says Churchill is on a leave of absence from the Leadership Council of the group. Can't vouch for Shawn nohow since I don't know him, but he continues quite interestingly (fourth comment) that

    I was in Boulder this weekend, and I heard that Churchill wasn’t going to be around for Columbus Day b/c he was going to meet with Hugo Chavez in Venezuela this week. The story went that Churchill was going to try to rehabilitate himself in Indian circles by striking a deal with Chavez to bring cheap oil to some reservations through the Venezuelan-owned Citgo Oil Co. Hmmm?

    Shawn must move in some odd circles, but Chutch has done stranger (and nastier) things than that. And it is odd that nowhere in the recent spate of Post/News articles is Churchill quoted or mentioned more than peripherally in TCD plans for this year's protest.

    Update II: I keep forgetting to mention that Colorado AIM now has a blog.

    Update III: Hickenlooper's refusal.

    Update IV: Pirate Ballerina found a recent Indian Country Today article that seems to confirm Shawn's claim that Venezuela might supply cheap oil to reservations and other indigenous communities. No mention of Churchill specifically, though.

    Update V: Shawn responds to my request for further info on the same PB thread (11th comment):

    Sorry, jgm, I’m not Charlie Brennan[*], although I do appreciate his journalism. I just wanted to say how I got the previous info on Churchill. My sister works as a waitress at Illegal Pete’s restaurant in Boulder. She was working when Churchill and Co. came into eat—I think that it was Churchill and his wife and Russell Means and his wife. Churchill was showing off his new passport, and talking about the invitation to go to Venezuela. My sister said that she overheard Churchill say that the leave of absence from Colorado AIM was his idea because of all of the hassles about his case, and he didn’t want to cause distractions for the Columbus protests. She also said that Russell Means isn’t going to be around for the protests this year because he is making some movie up in Canada. One of my sister’s co-workers is taking Churchill’s class this semester at CU, and she is trying to find out more of the details about this story. I’ll try to let you know what I find out.
    *In denying he is Charlie Brennan, Shawn is referring to a commenter on another thread at PB who, remarkably, also labors under the initials "jgm" and who said he or she thought Shawn was, indeed, Charlie Brennan. Cynical reporter though he is, it never even crossed this jgm's lumpy little brain that Shawn was Charlie Brennan. Ward Churchill, yes, Brennan, no. That's a joke.

    Anyway, no Ward or Russell Means for Columbus Day. Around here that's like not having Grandma over for Thanksgiving.

    Update VI, 10/6/05 RMN: "Columbus Day clash on tap."