Friday, February 21, 2014

Seven or eight

(bumped from Feb. 8 because of newly added update IV. It's that important.)

If it's all the same to you, I'll take the gaspipe. The Post:
The founder and CEO of American Title Services in Centennial was found dead in his home this week, the result of self-inflicted wounds from a nail gun, according to the Arapahoe County coroner.

Richard Talley, 57, and the company he founded in 2001 were under investigation by state insurance regulators at the time of his death late Tuesday, an agency spokesman confirmed Thursday.

It was unclear how long the investigation had been ongoing or its primary focus.

A coroner's spokeswoman Thursday said Talley was found in his garage by a family member who called authorities. They said Talley died from seven or eight self-inflicted wounds from a nail gun fired into his torso and head.
Update: A loyal D-blog reader e-mails: "Yeah, why don'cha just take the gaspipe? G'wan, take it. Take it! TAKE THE GASPIPE!"

Update II: Alternate title for this post: "Torso and head."

Update III (15 February 2014): Another title: "Nailed it." Often I don't see what's right in front of me.

Update IV:'s weird definition of "Take the gaspipe":

"tv. and take the gas pipe. to commit suicide. (Originally by inhaling gas.): The kid was dropping everything in sight and finally took the pipe."

See, they change it from "take the gaspipe" to "take the pipe." These are very different phrases. Let's use each in a sentence:

1. Grampa took the pipe and puffed contendedly.

2. Grampa took the gaspipe and puffed contendedly.

Not the same thing at all. And what's this "(Originally by inhaling gas)" bizarreness? Are they trying to say that "take the gaspipe" now means, perhaps, drowning oneself? Jumping off a building? What? does not explain.

Update V (3 March 2014): Too soon? Oh, and I never completely plumbed the strangeness of's definition. Their sample sentence is creepily evocative, like an outtake from On the Waterfront:

Lee J. Cobb (to union flunky): What could I do? The kid was dropping everything in sight and finally took the pipe. Okay, maybe we helped him a little, but he took the pipe!

Update VI: You know who the kid reminds me of? Spider.

Monday, February 10, 2014

Untitled, and worth it

D-blog readers will not be surprised to learn that I've never made what you might call any money at all writing (or in recent years, not writing) this idiot blog (see Sam Johnson quote, above). So why do I do (in recent years, not do) it? Here's the truth which I just came up with: because I want to make God laugh. My reasoning, of course, is simple, so let me explain it in v--dialogue:

I'm dead, see, standing at the Pearly Gates. God and St. Peter are conferring over my file:

God (whispering): Jeez, what an asshole this guy was. I mean, look at this, it says right here that he picked his nose all the time and wiped the boogers on his dog.

St. Peter (disgustedly): Sir.

God: Yeah, that's some repugnant shit right there. Ah, here's a footnote. Apparently he wrote something once I thought was funny. Here it is. Oh, that's right! He's the guy who came up with the name "Fetushead" for Peyton Manning! Fetushead! Damn, that's still funny. I remember laughing my ass off about that for the rest of the . . .

St. Peter: Sir . . .

God: . . . day. Fetushead! It's funny 'cause it's . . .

St. Peter: Sir . . .

God: . . . true. What, Petey?

St. Peter: He didn't come up with it, Sir.

God: Huh?

St. Peter: He stole the name "Fetushead" from a commenter at another website.

God: Yeah?

St. Peter: Yes, Sir.

God: Huh. Still, pretty funny. Hell, let him in! (Fondly) Fetushead! Poor Peyton.

St. Peter (superciliously): Sir.

God: You'll take care of that?

St. Peter: Of course, Sir.

God: Good. Send Clemenza.

Update: For the record, I never, ever wiped a booger on Billy Bob except that one time when it was a matter of national security.

Thursday, February 06, 2014

Top Pravda headlines

Right now!

Putin named number 1 politician in World Ranking 2013

Activists take stray dogs out of Sochi to other cities

U.S Ambassador to Russia Michael McFaul hurries to quit his job

Village of Hobbits to be built in Moscow region

Ukraine owes Russia $3.35 billion for gas

Brilliant actor Philip Seymour Hoffman dies shameful death

Wednesday, February 05, 2014

Catching up with . . .

Ward Churchill.  There's an interview of the gink by Joshua Frank at Counterpunch. It's long. Infinitely long. Literally infinitely long. Ward rehashes everything about his case, starting as he has so often with Bill Fuckin' O'Reilly, Sample graf:

Nah, not gonna do it. No more Ward. It's past time to move along. Infinitely past time. Literally infinitely past time. Instead, I'll just post the pic of Ward they used for the piece:

Looks like he colored out the gray stripe and had an ear reduction. Otherwise, unchanged.

There is one small piece of news in the interview: Ward and his attorney David Lane have filed a complaint about his long-zombified case with something called the Inter-American Commission on Human Rights. Mainly, it seems, so he can call himself a "human rights defender" while denying that he's doing so.

Sunday, February 02, 2014

The Colorado Supreme Court sez

Go Broncos!

Dignity, always dignity.

Update: How to draw Peyton Manning.

Update II: Until now, the D-blog had not succumbed to the current fashion of referring to Mr. Manning, the Broncos' supremely talented quarterback, as "Fetushead." Just childish, he thought. In researching the matter, however, the D-blog found this photograph:

And not only is Mr. Manning a fetushead, but it looks like the doc got a little handy with the forceps in delivering him. The original caption, by the way, says Mr. Manning is snorting "smelling salts." Apparently it's a fetushead thing.

Update III: Product.

(Photo credits: the Internet)

Update IV: This game has not been edifying. Funniest comment (lots of funny ones, tho) over at AoS: "Well, at least a bunch of kids in Zimbabwe will be getting a free crate of 'World Champion Denver Broncos' shirts and hats."

Update V: Popup on the Denver Post's front page (Top headline: "Seasick"):

Yessir, this here's a real hardcover book. Don't see many of them 'round these parts, nosir. REAL hardcover. Feel a' that. Hardcover. Don't it feel nice? Stroke it once. Now hang on there sir! Did I say ten dollars off? I mean ten dollars, it's yours!

Update VI (9 February 2014): In England they spell it "Fœtushead."