Saturday, April 29, 2006

Mumps, Pumps and Yelps

In the World Stupidity Awards for 2005, the Canadian Government was honored with the “Dumbest Government of the Year” award, beating out stiff competition from Iran, the US of A, North Korea, and even the United Nations, which, though not a government per se, has been known to be remarkably dumb.

In more awards, who knew that the plucky little Denver Post was voted “best breaking news website”, by the Associated Press, no less. And who knew that Denver was the heartland of editors with a jaunty sense of humor?

In the edition of 26 April there were mumps, pumps, and yelps in the headlines – a feat few newspapers ever achieve.

Indeed, the headlining article for the day was Mumps Confirmed in Colorado.

The leading piece in the business section was Bush tries to ease pump woes.

Token illustrative pump pictorial.

Under community news items, a delightful piece – Broken glass lands in toddler’s boot, yelps follow – which commences with potty training (keeping the reader in much suspense), before we finally get to hear about the yelps and the happy ending. This riveting piece also reveals that there are real people in the real world who are still entirely comfortable in using the word “hip” in a normal everyday sentence.

Now, toddlers in general aren't hip to the whole "I have to hurt you to help you"-routine."

See how easy it is? Perhaps you can integrate “hip” into your conversation sometime today? Go ahead, give it a try!

Poor Scotty, of “Dear Scotty” fame, seems to be up a creek without enough people wanting “advice like your best friend would give”. Jeeze wouldn’t you think that at least five people per week in Denver would be bereft of friends and in need of advice?

Well, Scotty’s going to have to start inventing advice questions – which would be highly unethical and no self respecting newspaper or magazine would tolerate such a shocking deception – so, for goodness sake, even if you have lots of real life friends, help Scotty by letting him help you with advice that you don’t really need – send in your questions, and try to incorporate the word “hip” into you problem.

If you can also incorporate the word trumpery into your Dear Scotty question, kudos to you! Trumpery is a mass noun (no plural) meaning:

1. Deception, fraud, or trickery. 2. Rubbish, junk. 3. Flashy but trashy finery in the home or on the body.

In a sentence you might wittily observe, for example:

"Maurice came to the party in such trumpery we all had a good laugh."

I think Scotty would be thrilled to receive a question in relation to something both hip and trumpery.

After that effort, you might just want to relax and remember your youth by reading all about how a Senior found his rhythm at Niwot High's prom!

Oh yes, the community news in Denver has a little bit of something for everyone.


“World’s Best Ever Blogsitter”


No comments: