Sunday, June 26, 2005

Drunkablog rates the powerfists!

Leading an up-and-coming dictatorship of the proletariat? Want people to know that you have the will to power every neo-Stalinist must have? You need the right powerfist. A good powerfist serves all your propaganda needs--from raising the consciousness of the masses to instilling terror--but a weak, inappropriate, sexist or racist powerfist can send the wrong message, perhaps even make your cadres doubt the inevitability of socialist victory.

But what powerfist is right for you? Salespeople will claim to have the perfect fist, then push whatever's in stock that day. They're not looking out for your revolution. Of course, once supreme power is yours they will pay for their insolence, oh yes, but right now, retribution can wait; all you want is a good fist. Here then, Drunkablog provides a brief guide to selecting the right powerfist.

First, a few things to look for:

Is the fist left- or right-handed? Even though most people are right-handed, generally, and for obvious reasons, the left is preferred.

What color is the fist? Black and red are always in good taste, but pink and green have their place as well.

Is the fist realistic? For example, is the thumb of the fist in a position where, if the fist actually punched something, it would be broken? Or is the fist too cartoonish? Usually the most realistic (and therefore the most threatening) fist is preferred.

Finally, is the fist holding something (flowers, dove, capitalist exploiter's throat)? Or, perhaps, being thrust through something (say, prison bars)? Such extras add interest to many a plain-jane fist.

Let's look at a few samples:

Here's one from Mark Goldblatt: Left-hand, correct thumb placement, not too stylized. Good hard-working Stalinist fist. Nothing flashy.

Here's a right hand, from Peacewatch Online. Somewhat overstylized, thumb breakage likely, fist seems to be concealing sausage treat.

A fist "holding" something, from the Future of Socialist Democracy of British Columbia website. Highly stylized, thumb already broken, flower. Good only for peace group, those posing as peace group.

A fist (or is it a glove?) from Portland Indymedia. Clumsy and a little sad.

Ah, here's a nice one. Left hand, thumb properly positioned, good shadowing. The Palestine Solidarity Committee of South Africa knows their powerfists.

Two efforts from Rage Against the Machine. Left: Forget it. Half the thumb is missing. Right: Points for putting powerfist to cloth, but another crummy thumb, and the palm looks like a buttcrack. Yuck.

Cartoon-y fist from Canned Revolution. What is it with the buttcrack?

An example from the differently abled community. Very odd fist positioning.

Puhleeeze. Typical White Power proto-fist: no thumb (probably accurate for these guys); hardly any finger differentiation. Shaky styling shows artist missed his morning beers.

Finally, a work of art. From the Cult of the Subgenius, which wants only to revolutionize your mind. Bob Dobbs understands the fist.

No comments: