Friday, May 04, 2007

Weird Fish Friday!

To make up for the somewhat anemic weird bird this week, have some weird fish. And Katie Couric, who, certainly for the first and probably the only time in her life, mentions Bath, Illinois, a mere inbred-freak-hobble down the road from the Drunkablog's old fambly home (on his dad's side), Mason City. Now, let's watch (out for) the fish!

Ecological disasters are funny!

I'm gonna look around and see what shape the Illinois River is in, but I won't bore you with that, yet. Just a word about Bath. You saw the boatload of tooth-disadvantaged indigenes with the Confederate flag, right? Yes, the morons set the state back 30 years all by themselves (and I helped!), but the truth is, Illinois is not exactly the heart of the Confederacy. It is, after all, known as the "Land of Lincoln." Bath, in fact, was not only surveyed by Surprisingly Honest Abe himself, but was the site of one of his "House Divided" speeches.

But river towns are different, as Mark Twain fans know. Illinois was settled from the south, and the towns that grew up along its rivers were always Southern, and always, um, looser than staid farm towns like Mason City. They're also older: Bath was founded in 1828; Mason City, only 25 miles away, in 1857.

Despite its juniorness, though, Mason City looks down on Bath. There's always a slight suggestion, a hint, rarely the outright charge, that Bath residents not only marry their sisters, but (more important for the story) have sex with them--and, thus, children. Of extremely limited intelligence. If you know what I mean.

Of course, the towns' high schools were rivals in basketball, and there's been a farmer-river rat gang war or two over the years (kidding, I think), but still, a Mason City friend only spoke the truth when he described Bathians once (so succinctly!) as "wedgeheads."

(via Mason Oller, who knows exactly what I'm talking about)

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