Crime beat!

Pretty weak batch, he said in a blatant attempt to draw the reader in:

At 6 p.m. Sept. 1, Lone Tree Police responded to a report of a theft at California Pizza Kitchen, 8343 Park Meadows Center Drive, Lone Tree. A woman said someone stole her laptop computer while she ate dinner with her family. The woman said the laptop was in a bag on the floor, and added the restaurant service was horrible.

Man mysteriously "Just Married." At 4:25 a.m. May 20, Castle Rock Police were dispatched to a home on the 800 block of Sunset Drive, Castle Rock, on a report of criminal mischief. A 57-year-old man told officers someone wrote in white shoe polish "Just Married" on the side of his 1992 Dodge Caravan. Also, a few weeks ago, someone took the van's emblem.

Man befouls property. Officers cited a man for "befouling property" on Aug. 12 after he was seen urinating in public. Police spotted the man at about 11:51 a.m. near a fence on the 500 block of South Memphis Way. A report indicated he was "snug against the fence and he had his hands down near the front zipper of his shorts." The man apologized for the incident, saying he was headed down to the police department to update his registry as a sex offender.

Woman storms out of manicure session. Police are looking for a female suspect who walked out of a pedicure and manicure without paying. The incident occurred at about 2:38 p.m. June 25 at Daisy Nails, 15270 E. Sixth Ave., Aurora. The customer became upset midway through the manicure, claiming employees commented on her "skin being black." She took off in a Honda Accord without paying the tab, estimated at about $40

Controversial banner stolen. A large banner advertising a new location for a racy coffee shop was reported stolen June 25. The owner of Perky Cups said the 10x20-foot banner at 15258 E. Hampden Ave. was being used to advertise a new location for the business, where scantily-clad female baristas serve coffee. The sign cost about $1,200 and $250 to install, according to the report.

Woman scammed for $3,000. An Aurora woman was swindled for nearly $3,000 from a man claiming to be her nephew. The woman, who lives on the 11200 block of East Baltic Place, called police after she became suspicious of a phone call she received June 16. A man called her home, claimed he was her nephew in Spain and asked for $3,000 to help pay for an accident. She wired the money over. Police contacted Western Union and attempted to stop the transaction, but it was too late. Incidentally, the woman's husband had passed away earlier that morning.

Crackers stolen from car. An Aurora woman filed a theft report March 16 after someone broke into her car. She said her Oldsmobile Alero was broken into at about 8 a.m. while it was parked near her apartment on the 19100 block of East Arkansas Drive. The only thing missing was a plastic bag with a few goldfish crackers.

All from Yourshlub.