Illini Central wins Illinois state 1A b-ball title

One-A in Illinois is schools with a population of one student or fewer.

Actually Illini Central is the former Mason City High in Mason City, IL (pop. 2700, mebbe). The D-blog was incarcerated there in the mid-70s. It was consolidated with a couple of even tinier towns, San Jose (San JOES) and Easton (EAston), some years back.

Always had something of a sketchy relationship with Mason City, but, cool. Here's the State Journal Register's story.

Billy Bob

July 25, 1998-January 14, 2013.

Finally, a newsletter for us

The PERA "Inactive Member" newsletter. Not that kind of inactive member.  There are other "newsletters" out there the D-blog uses to deal with that.



No, PERA is the Colorado Public Employees Retirement Association, and I am about as inactive a member as you can be, not having worked for the state in 20 years, and having had absolutely no money in its pension fund for the same amount of time.

Rantito: Like a lot of public employee pension funds, PERA is in the hole. Way in the hole, like $23 billion worth. This is because PERA, like a lot of public employee pension funds, did stupid shit like counting on an eight percent ROI, making "unfunded cost-of-living adjustments," and, if Denver radio yakker Mike Rosen is right, making some pension increases retroactive. So dumb.

Interesting fact or figure from the EDNews piece: "But between 2000 and 2011, contributions from state and local governments fell short by $3.5 billion and investments fell short over the same period. Investments in pension plans grew by 4.5 percent when they needed to grow by 8.4 percent, [some wonk] said."

Interesting fact or figure from the EDNews piece II: "A pessimistic analysis foresees the gap could grow to $35 billion, while more upbeat forecasts calling for 9.5 percent annual returns on plan investments mean a $14.5 billion unfunded liability."

Interesting use of a once-hip word: "There is substantial evidence people value current wage more than they value deferred compensation,” [some other wonk] said. “The state has a limited number of compensation dollars that have to be divided. I would encourage you to think holistically about the compensation dollars being offered.”

Sigh

Taken in Kansas or Missouri or somewhere, late August, 2012.

The return of Occupy Denver?

Post: "Thousands of zombies, mutants overtake downtown Denver." (What, was downtown Denver running away?)

No, I see now it's just another benighted instant tradition imported from California, this one called a "Zombie Crawl." An alleged 10,000 showed up. Lots of zombie vomit on the sidewalks of Lodo by the end, I bet.

Update: Boy, did I call it, in general and in deeee-tail. Post: "Zombie Crawl and anti-police protesters mix leading to arrests."

Police made six arrests Saturday night during the seventh annual Zombie Crawl and third annual anti-police march, said John White, Denver police spokesman. . . .

 "The non-permitted march started around 7 p.m. with about 35 individuals, then zombies joined in," White said.

Apparently neither anarchists nor zombies need any stinkin' &tc.

This was the third Denver march "against police terrorism," according to the Denver Anarchist Black Cross website

"The march was attacked early on, as demonstrators and police contested control of the streets," the site states. "Demonstrators fought to hold ground, and a brief but brutal street fight erupted." . . .

Yeah, sure it did. Okay, so it's not Occupy Denver, but close enough. (We've noted the (Ward Churchill-approved) Anarchist Black Cross before, btw.) And the drunken zombies?

The sidewalks up and down the 16th Street Mall were covered in fake blood, trash and broken glass as thousands participated in the zombie event.

You wouldn't even have noticed the vomit.

Probably Buster after the humiliation of MommyBoy XXXVII

Teased on the Post's front page, even as we speak: Man with body parts in car faces 1st-degree murder charge.

A man arrested Wednesday after police found body parts that could be his mother in the back seat of his car made an initial court appearance Thursday morning in Arapahoe County District Court. Investigators at his home found a hand saw in the dishwasher.

Always such a neat boy. Fave grafs from the story:

[Alleged mumsywhacker] Ari Liggett told authorities he had planned to put the remains in a tub with vinegar and store them in a storage unit "in hopes that police would be unable to identify the prints or dental records," the affidavit said.

But he said he didn't have enough money for a storage unit, the affidavit said, and drove back home to get his PlayStation to pawn it for cash.

Update: Everybody knows that after six or seven years a new season of Arrested Development will be out on Netflix in 2013, right? It better be funny or, or, I don't know what I'll do. Maybe a chicken dance.

Update II: No, I don't need to ask if it's too soon.

Ramified

Billy Bob and I were lurking about the neighborhood as usual this morning when we (well, I--BB is pretty deef) heard music--some variety of crap rock--from the direction of Federal Boulevard. Turns out the Race for the Cure was meandering by.


Lots of people, blah, blah, read the article.

What's interesting, I aver, is that just yesterday I needed a new clicker for the garage door and found this:


The official Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure garage-door opener from Chamberlain. Fifty bucks. It appears to be the exact same opener as the non-Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure garage-door opener, not even engraved or anything, at the same price. The ad copy, though, says, "Proceeds from the sale of this limited-edition Clicker® remote control benefit Susan G. Komen for the Cure."\

Maybe it comes with a certificate or something. And by "proceeds," do they mean "all proceeds?"  (rhet.)

Comparative begging

Got these notes from the candidates today. While I've received dozens of e-mails from Obama, this is the first one from Mitt. The difference in tone, but not only in tone, is striking. First der Mittenzer:

Dear Friend,

Twenty-three million Americans are struggling for work, and nearly one in six Americans is living in poverty. And still, President Obama and his liberal allies are asking for another chance to get it right. Our country can't afford to give it to them.

Paul Ryan and I, along with Republicans across the country, are doing everything we can to protect America's future and undo the damage of the last four years.

And so are our supporters. They've joined our cause and transformed this campaign into a nationwide movement. They've knocked on over 5 million doors and made over 30 million volunteer voter contacts.

That's 15 times more doors and 5 times more phone calls than at this same time in 2008 -- and that's incredible.

And even in these bleak economic times, our supporters are contributing out of their own pockets. In fact, 93% of all the donations received have been $250 or less.

We couldn't have gotten this far without that kind of commitment and support -- and because of it, we're on our way to winning this thing.

With just 32 days left until November 6, sustained nationwide support for our cause is critical. We need to win, we want to win -- and with your help we will.

Whether we’re talking about jobs, health care, debt, taxes, or foreign policy, the choice this election is clear. Barack Obama and his liberal allies don’t have a record to run on, or a plan for the future. Paul Ryan and I do, and with the help of Republicans up and down the ballot, America will have the real recovery it deserves.

Victory is in sight for Romney-Ryan and the Republican team. Donate now to help us get there.

Thanks,

Mitt Romney

Meh. But Romney begins by mentioning the 23 million "struggling for work." Obama as usual starts, and ends, with himself:

John --

There have been many times in my life when I've been counted out -- told that I couldn't do it, told not to speak out for what I believe in, told to not even run in the first place.

I've only gotten this far because I've had people like you with me every step of the way.

Right now the other side is trying to obliterate the hard work we've put in on the ground in this campaign by flooding the airwaves with factually inaccurate, negative attack ads.

If they win, they're going to dismantle everything we've accomplished together over the past three and a half years, and turn back the clock to the same failed policies that got us into this mess in the first place.

We cannot let that happen. There are only 32 days left in this campaign. If you're planning to take the next step, now is the time. Please donate $5 or more today:

https://donate.barackobama.com/Stand-With-Me

Thanks. It means a lot to know you've got my back.

Barack

Note: the D-blog does not have Barack's back. Hey-la, hey-la.

Update: Hate that Mittley feels it necessary to dredge up the bogus "one-in-six-living-in poverty" meme.

Tragic sneezing accident

This, you will be horrified (synonym for "amused") to learn, is the D-blog's formerly noble brow:


If the D-a-W is around when somebody asks me how I got tagged, she thinks it's funny to say, "Sometimes I just can't take it any more, you know? All the time jibber-jabber jibber-jabber, all the time 'give me a dollar, mommy,' all the time 'uh-oh, poop butt.' Sometimes it just takes a good elbow shot to shut him up."

But this is not what happened. I just sneezed with insufficient attention to the space around me, and smashed my precious upper head at barely subsonic speed into the counter of our really charming kitchen island. Hurt like a motherfucker, actually knocked me to my knees, and I bled rather spectacularly for a minute.

It's better now, but I still look like my Third Eye is trying to open. Ick.

Update: sneezing accidents are quite common; most of them, of course, are car wrecks.

Still miss Michael Kelly

In The Atlantic, Wendy Kaminer wonders if the Colorado Supreme Court's slapdown of Ward Churchill means "The End of Free Speech at University of Colorado [sic]?" Yeah, there's a question mark at the end, but Kaminer's answer, of course, is an unequivocal "yes." And not just at CU, natch.

To reach that conclusion, Kaminer starts with, and continually hammers, one assumption: the jury in Ward's suit against CU found that the school had fired him for his offensive ("Li'l Eichmanns") speech; his "research misconduct" was just an excuse the school ginned up to get rid of him. So ruled the jury, so believes Wendy. She's also not crazy about the "quasi-judicial immunity" stuff, which, who is (Update V)? (Neither Neal nor ACTA, by the way, has commented on the CSC's decision yet, as far as I can find.)

On maneuvers

Found in a pile of weird books:



The D-blog will never read it, of course. No, being the D-blog, he's just going to assume that "Dr." "Heimlich" has a whomping case of "when all you have is a hammer" syndrome, and will attempt to apply his awkward yet strangely erotic "maneuver" to every conceivable medical situation. Let's check out the ToC.

"Look at the Bleeding." Endowing a child with a healthy attitude about bleeding and other emergencies.

Dad: See how your blood sprays almost to the ceiling, Billy? That's how powerful the heart is. Now, let's see how high it'll go when I perform that new maneuver on you . . .

Billy: GAck!

Okay, "Poisonings. What to have available in advance . . ." Not very good phraseology, huh? And how does Henry work the maneuver in for poisonings?

Husband: Oh, my God, Mary! What's wrong with her, Doctor?

Doctor: I smell bitter almonds, the invariable sign of cyanide poisoning! Here, hold her upright so that I may perform the Heimlich Maneuver! It will expel the poison through her eyeholes!"

Mary: GAck!

Maybe not. Okay, abdominal pain. Surely the Heimlich is appropriate there. Say, if you need your appendix burst or something. GAck.

Hey, here's ol' Henry now!


What? This finger? Oh, you don't wanna know about this finger. No, I'm serious, the stories I could tell you about this finger. . .

Oddly, this isn't the first time I've employed "Dr Heimlich's Final Solution to Choking" in the unavailing attempt to commit funny.

Figure out the typo!

The Jefferson Park (my neighborhood) News: "Street Closures: The following streets will be closed from 4 a.m. to approximately 1:00 a.m. on Sunday, October 7 . . ."

Colorado Supreme Court rules against Ward Churchill in his bid to regain CU job

Steeeerike two! Since the D-blog missed the story by a mere 24 hours, he'll throw you to Mr. Pirate Ballerina, who has the interesting facts and figures as well as other stuffs both educational and amusing, like that Wart sold his Boulder house and moved to Atlanta a few weeks ago, a sign that even he knows he's not going to be teaching at CU (or likely anywhere else, for pay) again.

D-blog prediction: The U.S. Supreme Court has more important things to fuck up and will decline to hear Wart's case.

Anyway, as penance for being so late on this I waded through the comments at the AP story the Post lazily went with. Anti-Wart by a huge margin, but still, and as usual with newspaper comments, profoundly dumb (with a couple of exceptions I'll let you not look for).

But I noticed something odd. Look at how the Post notes those comments that have been edited by the commenters who make them. The Post will say, for example, "Last edited by _______ [the commenter], on Yesterday, 6:48 p.m., edited two times in total."

Besides the atrocious grammar, see how they count how many edits a commenter makes? Never seen that before. What's funny is, they don't do that for their own (or AP's, or anyone else's) stories. On those all they note is, for example (from the present story): "Posted: 09/10/2012 08:24:16 AM MDT September 10, 2012 5:41 PM GMT Updated: 09/10/2012 11:41:37 AM MDT"

"Updated," not "edited." And no hint on how many times it's been edi--updated. Strange.

But I depress. If this were a blog that, like some, encouraged the dipping of dangling anatomical parts into containers of artificially flavored, HFCS-sweetened trifle at moments of triumph, this CSC decision would warrant one of those itty-bitty kiddie-pac pudding thingies (those who have read Portnoy's Complaint no doubt will find a use for the bologna that's in the little sandwich as well).

Think I'll go back to bed.

Update: In Westwad, Chutch attorney David Lane opens up to his special bud Michael Roberts:

"I have very little faith in judges generally," Lane says. "I think judges, by and large, are appointed by the rich and powerful to protect the rich and powerful's interests in society. That's what their inclination is to do, and I think that's unfortunate."

After all, Lane continues, "no one ever said Ward Churchill's First Amendment rights weren't violated.

The man is truly insane. But he's realistic enough about his chances with the U.S. Supremes:

"I don't have a lot of hope," he admits. "We should win, because the law should be on our side -- and I think it is on our side. So this is our last shot. But the statistical odds of the U.S. Supreme Court taking this case are pretty slim."

Read whole thing for other nuggets and the overly circumspect statements of CU prez Bruce Benson and chancellor Phil DiStefano.

Just got home from Illinois . . .

Actually last week, but whatever. Picasa for some reason wouldn't let me upload pics of my amazing journey (or anything else). Now it will. This after all the problems I've had with Blogger working on Google Chrome and with Echo barring me from my own comments. I'm moving to Wordpress.

As soon as I work up the courage. In the meantime, travel pics 'n' persiflage! The pic above has nothing to do with the trip, it's just a creepy clown a neighbor gave me. I was going to try to freak out the tenants around back by moving it incrementally closer to their door every day, but the evil little 'tard gave me the heebie-jeebies, so it ended up here:



Pics of trip some time or other! Wait here until they appear! It might be a little while!

The D-blog has one for when Ma comes visitin'

Post: "Stunt family brings thrills to Loveland."

That's kind of a lascivious headline, isn't it? Or is that just me?

Trustworthy name

Rastus Schaubhut, who in a recent e-mail describes the D-blog as "Intimate like a god of loveho." Actually the D-blog is just assuming Rastus is describing the D-blog, for the D-blog has not opened Rastus's missive, and never will. But who else could he be describing? Oh, yeah.

More landlord knavery

Front page of the Post right now: "Pueblo landlord gets 4 years for hiring homeless to remove asbestos":

A Pueblo landlord was sentenced to four years in state prison for hiring homeless people to remove asbestos from the condemned multi-family home he was demolishing .

Thomas K. Tienda, 49, was convicted on eight felonies in the case prosecuted by the Colorado Attorney General's Office. . . .

"Sheer greed drove Tienda to cut costs at the expense of the public and jeopardized the health of vulnerable members of our society, the homeless," said Colorado Attorney General John Suthers said [sic] in a statement Friday. "A four-year prison sentence is appropriate and proves that this type of unscrupulous behavior will not go unpunished."

Kind of evil, huh? But I can empathize. As a landlord, you quickly become willing to do almost anything to avoid spending money. It's part of the code. But sometimes, yes, that kind of money-saving zeal can lead a 'lord (that's what we call ourselves, "''lords") to cut corners a leetle too much.

One time, for instance, I hired a bunch of vulnerable members of our society to replace my roof. Man, were they cheap. I soon learned, however, that vulnerable members of society, while cheap, are also surprisingly porous.

Shew. Lot of wasted effort on that one, and now I'm way too tired to denounce myself. Maybe tomorrow.

Even if he paid the rent in advance . . .

KOA is reporting the hot news that the "Theater Killer" or whatever they call him has been evicted from his Aurora apartment. As a landlord, yeah, quite possibly that would be the last straw for me, too. Only difference is it would take longer to evict him in Denver.

Haven't mentioned it for a while, but (and I say this with all due modesty), my tenants love me:


Tenants: We love the landlord!

They really do.

One demerit for failure to use the phrase "surgical precision"

The Post: "Livestock mutilations shake up Gunnison ranching community":

GUNNISON — Recent livestock mutilations have Gunnison area ranchers shaken and on the alert for more strange attacks on cattle and horses.

In recent weeks, a horse was shot and had its head skinned at the LeValley Ranch property, which is part of the Esty Ranch holdings about eight miles east of Gunnison. The horse also had its tongue and anus removed.

Tuuuuuu, what now?

Less than two months ago, a prize heifer in the same heavily traveled area just off of Colorado 50 and Colorado 114 had its tongues [sic], lips and anus removed.

There's that anus again. And now lips along with the tongue(s). Sounds like they're making some kind of sick crazy sex aid, chief. Or maybe finishing out a cow-suit. It rubs the udder balm on its skin, or else something something . . .

"To me it looks like a ritualistic issue. Either that, or they are high on drugs. There is just no logical explanation for it," said Esty Ranch owner Mike Clarke. . . .

I'll stick with the sick crazy sex aid angle.

The four mutilations [in recent months] have prompted the Gunnison County Stockgrowers Association to offer a $500 reward [cheap!] for any information that will lead to a conviction. The Colorado State Patrol has also been alerted to watch for strange activities in that area. The Gunnison County Sheriff's Office, the agency investigating the mutilations, did not return phone calls asking for comment. . . .

The recent mutilations have similarities to mutilations that occurred in the 1960s in neighboring Saguache County. The most famous incident was reported in 1967 when a horse that became known as Snippy [Post link] had its head and neck skinned. Like [sic] in the most recent cases, there was no blood at the scene or tracks. The mutilations were never solved. . . .

Can't believe I'd never heard of Smiley, uh, Snippy, before.

Clarke said if there is another incident he expects "the ranching community will really be up in arms." . . .

Literally.

The story of Snippy (2006), by the way, is majestic. It begins:

She stands quietly at the back of an empty room inside Dell's Insurance Agency just off the main street. She is little more than bones and big shiny teeth. And she is at the center of a controversy involving an eBay auction, lawyers and ownership rights.

Here you might ask the obvious question: What the heck is Nicole Richie doing in a vacant room in an insurance office in a small Colorado potato town?

Of course, it isn't really Nicole Richie (who?) in that cursed Colorado Potato Town (sort of demands caps, doesn't it?) but Snippy! the Peeled-headed Horse! Read on your own time.

Ludicrous headline introduces laughable story

And it's alllllllllllll (beat) in the Post! Actually it's in the Gamera, but the Post reprinted it and I wanted to get that old jingle in. Headline: "Boulder scientists: Earth observing more carbon each decade." There's a whole lot of stupid here, but this is the best graf:

While carbon sinks are absorbing an increasing amount of carbon, the amount of carbon left in the atmosphere is also increasing. The atmospheric concentration of carbon in the atmosphere is rapidly approaching 400 parts per million, [lead author Ashley] Ballantyne said, compared to a pre-industrial concentration of about 280 parts per million.

Of carbon. In the atmosphere. Question: Who' s doing the conflating of carbon and carbon dioxide here, science-y sort Ashley Ballantyne or reportress Laura Snider? If it's Ballantyne, we don't need to ask, but if it's Snider, we probably do: is the conflation deliberate or just ignorant?

Oh, the study appears in Nature. Too sad for snark.

Update: Of course, A. Watts had it a while ago, and reprinted the whole CU press release, in which the authors use "carbon" and "CO2" and "carbon dioxide" interchangeably. They also appear to be fully paid-up warmists. Can't wait to read the comments.