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"John, discover the comfort of the Genie Bra!" Oh, I have, I have.

Readers if any know that's a lie.

Friday Night at the Radio!

Early war: 11 January 1942. Sound not great, but: Jack Benny!

One more: "Jack Benny is one of the finest violinists of this earache" (17 January 1943). The wordplay is horrble(ly) funny. And: Oscar Levant!

Oh, and Joe Besser, being all gay. He kind of turns everyone else gay too.

Broncos win!

Is what I wish I could tell you.

Tim Tebow still has oddly flared nostrils.

Football update III!

End of first half, Broncos-Patriots. My mother hated me too.

No, really.

Football update II!

Saints go marching out. Goodness gracious. (The D-blog never swears.)

Football update!

Fucking Huey Lewis sang the Nat. An. for the Saints-49ers game. He's fuckin' oooollllddd. Not too bad a barbershop treatment of the venerable fucking classic, tho Huey was a little fuckin' flat here and there and couldn't quite reach the fucking high notes.

Tebow!

Every single word in the English language, and many in languages unEnglish (including, one supposes, Dogalog (scroll to update)), has been used over and over in the frenzied reams of writing about the guy. So I won't add any.

Update: Okay, maybe I can add one that might not have been used: Tim Tebow has oddly distended nostrils.

Update II: Go Broncos (they haven't got a chance)! Go Broncos (no chance at all)! Go Broncos (go Broncos!)!

Telegraph salutes industry of lower orders

"Thieves dig 100ft tunnel." Wait, what?

Science: Still on the march!

Seth Borenstein, for years the Associated Press's most egregious and ridiculous AGW alarmist, must have blanched at least a little when confronted with writing this story (as it showed up in the Post this morning), mustn't he?

An international team of scientists says it has figured out how to slow global warming in the short run and prevent millions of deaths from dirty air: Stop focusing so much on carbon dioxide.

Stop ffffffffff . . .

They say the key is to reduce emissions of methane and soot — two powerful and fast-acting causes of global warming.

Carbon dioxide is the chief greenhouse gas and the one world leaders [sorry, guess I already used that one] have spent the most time talking about controlling. Scientists say carbon dioxide from fossil fuels such as coal and oil is a bigger overall cause of global warming, but reducing methane and soot offers quicker fixes.

Soot also is a big health problem, so dramatically cutting it with existing technology would save between 700,000 and 4.7 million [there's scientific precision] lives each year, according to the team's research published online Thursday in the journal
Science. . . .

Science, eh? But how do they know all this, Seth, huh? Huh? (Seizing Seth by his no-doubt manly shoulders and shaking.) Tell me! Tell me!

Two dozen scientists from around the world ran computer models of 400 existing pollution control measures and came up with 14 methods that attack methane and soot. The idea has been around for more than a decade, and the same authors worked on a United Nations report last year, but this new study is far more comprehensive. . . .

If adopted more widely, the scientists calculate the methods would reduce projected global warming by 0.9 degrees Fahrenheit by the year 2050. Without the measures, global average temperature is projected to rise nearly 2.2 degrees Fahrenheit in the next four decades. But by controlling methane and soot, the increase is projected to be only 1.3 degrees. It also would increase the annual yield of key crops worldwide by almost 150 million tons. . . .

The study even [!] does a cost-benefit analysis to see whether these pollution-control methods are too expensive to be anything but fantasy. They actually pay off with benefits that are as much as 10 times the value of the costs, Shindell said. The paper calculates that as of 2030, the pollution-reduction methods would bring about $6.5 trillion in annual benefits from fewer people dying from air pollution, less global warming and increased crop production. . . .

And so on. Now that I think about it, Seth probably wasn't taken aback at all. See, this new push will be taken up alongside the ongoing push to force taxpayers to pay trillions in carbon dioxide mitigation costs. Great. And all based on the exact same kind of "science."

Take these broken wings . . .

AP story on the front page of the Post right now: "Not as many dead blackbirds in Ark. town this year." Not going to read the story, as it might disturb the euphoria.

Update: Okay, read the story. There was mass blackbird bonkage last year. caused, allegedly, by fireworks. Yes, fireworks. Not Climate Instability. AP has become a radical right-wing organization.

Scary giant potato/pod update

I see that Dave in Texas over at AoS has posted on the photoshopped Nork funeral procession mentioned in the post below. Lots of back-and-forth in comments about whether it is actually a photoshop before everybody starts arguing about Iowa.

Whatever. What struck--and, frankly, frightened--me about this post and its comments is that not a single person mentions the giant potatoes.

Something is radically wrong at AoS.

We're not in Idaho anymore

The Telegraph notes the apparent photoshopping of a pic of the funeral procession for Kim Jong-Il yesterday.


See the guys with the camera to the left in the left-hand pic? Gone in the right-hand one.

Yeah, big deal. Commies manipulate photographs. Tell me something I didn't know.

But take a closer look:


What are those ovoid things lining the street?

I think the answer can be found in this 2009 snippet from official Nork news agency KCNA (second bullet point):

A music and dance performance was given by artistes of the Ryanggang Provincial Art Troupe at the Taehongdan County Cultural Hall on Tuesday to mark the 10th anniversary of the publication of leader Kim Jong Il's famous work "On Bringing about a Signal Turn in Potato Farming". . . .

Trofim Lysenko was right!

Update: Could be I'm overthinking this, of course. Maybe they're just the pods the N. Korean government has been hatching mourners out of.

Workworkworkworkworkworkwork

As everybody knows, the D-blog is no stranger to hard physical labor. He's worked in factories, on the farm, and even, during one of his earlier periods of gender confusion, as a milliner.

But refinishing floors kicks my ass every time. It's not so much the big drum sander you use for the wide-open spaces (though try carrying one up a flight of stairs); those are self-propelled, and while extremely awkward to maneuver, don't necessarily reduce one to a quivering hulk of hacking exhaustion.

No, it's the little disk sander, the one you use to sand around the edges of a room, that kills me. It weighs maybe 40 pounds, which doesn't sound like a lot, but to use it you have to stand bent nearly double, holding on for dear life while the disk rotates at 10,000 rpm (est.) and the thing threatens to rip itself out of your hands and run amuck like, like, I don't know, a mangler that's tasted human blood or something.

And you can't just hold on to the thing while it does the work. You have to use finesse to get the old finish off smoothly while not gouging big holes in your floor or foot or face, all while inhaling clouds of sawdust. I think I inhaled a couple 2x4's worth this go-round.

Oh well, bitching done. Now I'm on the easy part, puttin' down the Varathane. Good thing years of glue-sniffing has inured me to the fumes.

Update: A reader (yeah, sure) asks via e-mail: "Mr. D-blog, darling, why don't you just wear a mask over your fawn-like features to avoid inhaling that nasty sawdust?"

Dear reader: I do, but it doesn't seem to help much.

You running dog capitalist pig war-mong--hey, nice wheels

Wondered this morning what kind of car it was Kim Jong the Second was planking on on the way to his non-dirt nap in this video. Couldn't imagine it was an American car, though it looked like one, but somebody over at AoS says it's a 1960 Lincoln. Mmmm, not so sure of that. Nice flocking, though.

Death becomes Kim

Probably a little too convoluted a pun for youse guys. Never mind. The Telegraph:

Hundreds of thousands of North Korean citizens are expected to turn out on Wednesday for the funeral of Kim Jong-il, the man they have revered as The Dear Leader since he assumed power in 1994.

State media have so far given no indications of how the event will proceed, although it is likely to be similar to the funeral for Kim's father, Kim Il-sung, and underline the achievements of his rule and his commitment to the North Korea people.

The what of his rule? His commitment to what? Not even a hint of irony.

The media is simultaneously playing up the attributes and wisdom of Kim Jong-un, who has inherited his father's role as the leader of the nation, despite his youth. Kim Jong-un, who is believed to be 28 years old, was on Monday appointed to the top post in North Korea's Workers' Party.

First I heard, he was in his early 30s. Then he was 30. Then 29. If this keeps up . . .

Meanwhile (as some no doubt long-daid journalism teacher told us never to use as a transition):

Authorities in South Korea have meanwhile [guess this guy didn't have the same journalism teacher] threatened to resort to force to prevent students and supporters of the regime in North Korea setting up altars to mourn Kim Jong-il's death.

Private security guards and officials of the elite Seoul National University have already torn down an altar set up in the grounds of the university and rejected requests from three students to burn incense on an altar in the student union building in honour of the later North Korean leader, Yonhap news agency reported.

"I thought it was the least we could do to show respect to a partner in forging peace on the Korean Peninsula," one of the three students told Yonhap, referring to Kim as one of the participants in summit meetings with former South Korean presidents Kim Dae-Jung and Roh Moo-Hyun.

"It is a controversial issue that we do not even have one space to mourn the death in this country," the student said.

The police have issued clear warnings that anyone who attempts to pay tribute to Kim Jong-il is breaking the law.

"Setting up altars to mourn Chairman Kim constitutes crimes against the National Security Law, which bans applauding and sympathising (with the communist North)," an official of the National Police Agency said. "We may even resort to force in order to prevent incense altars."

Applauding. National police finger truncheons. Applauding and sympathizing. Whompwhompwhomp!

Koreans are weird.

'Santa says thank you to his liver transplant team'

That's the title of the video accompanying this Post story on a Denver-area (fake) Santa who (checking notes) got a liver transplant a while ago. No indication that he was a bad Santa, if you know what I mean (makes universally recognized drinky-drinky sign); just thought I'd try to cheer you moribund *ucks up a little.

This is not him:

Occupy Denver winning friends and influencing people

The Post:

A traditionally solemn annual memorial for people who died on Denver's streets was disrupted by a loud Occupy Denver group Tuesday night. . . .

[P]rotesters shouted "fascist," "criminal" and other slurs as Mayor Michael Hancock stepped forward to address the 22nd annual Homeless Persons' Memorial Vigil on the steps of the City and County Building.

Original, as usual.

For about three minutes, the mayor pleaded with them to show civility to the families present and respect for the 136 men and women whose names were to be called, homeless people who died in the past year. The vigil's organizers say the memorial is often the only public recognition those men and women's deaths ever receive.

The first graf, by the way, says the vigil is "for people who died on Denver's streets." One hundred and thirty-six of them? Hard to believe. Note how the paragraph above just says "died in the past year." This piece a couple of years ago from Fox31 breaks that year's number down a little. In short, 136 people did not "die in the streets" this year. Anyway:

Others in the audience shouted back at the protesters with such replies as "show some respect" and "grow up.

Fat chance.

After a few minutes, Hancock surrendered the podium to allow the vigil to go on.

"This mayor evicted homeless people to die last night," said a woman who refused to give her name but was prominent in shouting at police during Monday night's clash with protesters. "He does not deserve to be heard or respected."

Occupods, homeless? Their moms and dads wish.

"It's disgraceful," said Cynthia Ingram, who had traveled from Buffalo, N.Y., for the event to honor a cousin on the list.

"This isn't about their political agenda; it's about our family, some sympathy and showing just a little bit of respect for the dead. I am so angry right now."

Ingram said she had previously agreed with the Occupy mission on corporate greed but did not respect the outbursts at the memorial.

"Totally classless," she said.

Pretty much.

Tantrum Time

The Post on the final eviction (mebbe, and after three or four previous tries) of the Occupy Denver protesters from Civic Center Park:

At midnight today, they Tebowed.

Take me now, Jeebus.

Occupy Denver protesters took a knee at Broadway and West 13th Avenue as Denver police officers lined up at the Denver Public Library, corralling them after pressing them from their weeks-old encampment.

But protesters managed to pull one more I'm-gonna-hold-my-breath-till-I-turn-blue tantrum:

When the Tebowing was over, "God Bless America" rang out before the crowd of about 40protestors retreated south on Broadway, shouting pledges that the occupation was not over.

The clash had been intense and swift, with police shoving protestors and journalists alike with their batons, but it appeared only one protestor was taken into custody.

Afterwards, White said officers had hoped to ask the protestors a final time to remove their belongings, but when two prostestors began setting the shelters aflame, officers and firefighters had to move it.

A firetruck moved in to douse the flames as a battery of police closed ranks shouting, "Move back!" to allow firefighters access. Police said two protestors were arrested on arson charges and two were arrested on charges of failing to obey a lawful order.

According to a later story, nine ended up arrested. No journalists among them.

White had issued an ultimatum Monday afternoon to Occupy Denver protesters, saying that time was up and the city would forcibly dismantle their encampment near Civic Center at any moment.

The notice given at a meeting behind closed doors at police headquarters was the latest development in the battle between the Occupy Denver protesters and the city over the permanent demonstration on sidewalks that border Broadway between Colfax and 14th avenues. . . .

Protesters have built shelters, arranged tarps, set down sleeping bags and even tied a kayak to a tree, against [sic] violating a city ordinance that forbids "encumbrances" on public rights of way. They've tried to state their case in federal court, to no avail.

"A decision was made that that needs to occur. They were asked to do it. And they decided they weren't going to do it," White said earlier Monday. "Now it is on us to make that happen."

Mooches to the end:

The protesters left the meeting disgusted, calling the meeting "incredibly unproductive" and asking if they could take the crackers, fruits and veggie trays that were provided back to their protest.

From the later story:

During a joint news conference, Denver Mayor Michael Hancock and Police Chief Robert White said they remain committed to protecting the First Amendment rights of Occupy Denver protesters — but they will no longer tolerate structures on the sidewalks.

"If it goes up today, it goes down today," White said.

We'll see.

Update: Ace, of course, had it before I did, and a commenter on that post asks a plaintive question that should have occurred to me: "Is the Mayor Shelby, the Dog okay?" My guess: He was burned alive, screaming in a voice almost human, in one of those melting tents. Good doggie.

'Kim Jong the Second'

According to the Telegraph, that's what Rick Perry called the malevolent dwarf in a press release. Gad.

The MD, by the way, is lookin' stylish in his commie-preferred airtight (?) glass box:


His funeral isn't until the 28th, almost two weeks after he croaked. Mmmmm, rotty.

The Telegraph, by the way, is breathlessly live- (sic) blogging the shitstain's death, including a link to news.com.au's roundup of allegedly funny internet reactions ("As we speak, George Lucas is digitally adding Kim Jong-Il to the celebration scene in Return of the Jedi," one wag tweeted. Meh.).

Merry Christmas, stoners

Found stuck in the front door last week:


Sinister Santa sez: Toke up, dude!




There are at least half a dozen medical weed dispensaries within a half mile of here. The handy-dandy Weedmaps.com shows that the Denver metro area has tons of them; the Denver Channel said a couple of years ago that they outnumbered Starbucks by almost two to one--390 to 208. (This doesn't seem to be borne out by the weedmap, which shows many fewer than that. Stoners.)

If the d-blog were that type of person, he would point out that the medical marijuana biz is a total scam, a (fig?) leaf to cover pot sales to anyone at all, and thus an encouragement to disrespect of the law in general and etc. But since he's not that type of person, the d-blog also won't urge Colorado to just legalize the shit, already, collect the tax windfall, pay off the deficit, and STFU.

Update: Funny how Santa looks just like a biker I used to see hanging out at the Love to Drink Inn.