A Christmas Garland

RMN:

FORT COLLINS--City officials are bracing for a huge crowd at tonight's meeting about a controversial proposal to ban religious holiday decorations on government property. . . .

Traditionalists have been in an uproar ever since a city task force recommended that public property display a holiday theme with "a broad multicultural message" by sticking only to white lights and plain garlands.

White lights. Of course. And since "pretty" garlands are, like, totally a social construction, who's to say what a "plain" garland is? That's right: men.

The task force concluded that colored lights and greenery decorated with ornaments and ribbons could evoke an improper religious message.

An improper religious message, eh? And I believe the accepted term nowadays is "lights of color."

Only "secular winter symbols" such as snowflakes and icicles should be permitted, the task force said.

Task force. Think I'll go lie down.

The panel also recommended that the city museum develop a religious holiday display featuring an array of nine [!] or more [!] religions based on federal guidelines. Those would include such celebrations as Bhodi Day, a Buddhist winter holiday, and Oshogatsu, a Sinto [sic] New Year celebration. Christmas and Hanukkah would be included in the list.

How thoughtful.

The 15-member panel had representatives from three churches, five Jewish organizations, some civic and activist groups, the city's human relations commission and the local chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union.

As if you couldn't have guessed.