Sunday, February 01, 2009

Lackadaisical Super Bowl live-bogging

Two versions of the Star-mangled Banker? A Super Bowl first. Didn't catch who the first singer was. The second, of course, was Jennifer Hudson.

Nice touch, bringing out the (whole) crew of Flight 1549 (speaking of Hudsons).

First commercial, for the movie G.I. Joe. Please don't tell me Dennis Quaid is Joe (tho like Joe he's somewhat neckless and made of plastic).

Too bad Broncos tight end Shannon Sharpe didn't get into the Hall o' Fame on his first shot. Great football player, but I admire him more for having won a round of Celebrity Jeopardy with a winning total of $600. What'd Ken Jen average per game? $20,000 or something?

Car commercial or something with Smashing Pumpkins music, "edit by Billy Corgan." Don't know what that means, but I'll never forget Billy introducing himself to Homer Simpson:

Billy: Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins.

Homer: Homer Simpson, smiling politely.

David Petraeus and John Elway on the same field: What a country. Elway looks like he left his face nailed to a fence post for a little too long.

Football, football, football. Damn, three plays and P-burg is at the two. I guess I'm rooting for the Cards, them being just down the road from us in Phonix and having a football history pathetically similar to the Bonkos before they finally won a couple of Super Bowls.

Rothlisberger (phonetic spelling) crunches it in. Play challenged.

Audi commercial: The Mousse is Loose.

Play overturned. Fourth down. Pittsburgh settles for a field goal.

Sixties Dylan selling Pepsi. Forever Young. But with rotted teeth. Sheesh.

Football, football, football. Cards twee and out.

Conan O'Brien as a Sprockets-style German (for Bud). Now, we dance!

Tons of movies being advertised. Demons and Dragons by R. Howard with T. Hanks; Year One with J. Black . . . I forget what else.

Roethlisberger running all over the place to avoid the sack; completes the pass. Man. They're rolling.

Car ad featuring Mr. and Ms. Potato Haid.

Vin Diesel in another Fast and Furious.

Castrol ad with minkies and In-A-Gadda-Da-Velveeta (honey).

Will Ferrell in Land of the Lost. Meh.

Third and goal from the one for P-burgh. A hundred and fifty to two hundred plays on Roethlisberger's wristband?

Must have picked the right one; they scored.

Cute Pedigree Adopt-a-Dog commercial. Playing frisbee with a water buffalo. That is, not using a water buff for a frisbee, but trying to get a WB to catch one. Bonk.

Couple of Bud commercials featuring those giant horses--Herbdales, I think they're called.

New Star Drek movie. I still remember David Denby saying about W. Shatner in the first movie that he looked like "an overweight dentist from Encino."

Football, football, football. Cards have gotten a couple first downs.

Cards to the two. Warner had forever to throw.

Whoo, Warner almost falls down, but throws it perfectly. Score.

Chuck in 3-D? What is Chuck?

What did Michael Phelps do that he's apologizing for? I'll look around.

Found it. "A glass pipe, known as a bong"? That's like "blog, short for 'weblog'"

Faintly racist Hyundai commercial (I'm sensitive about these things). Japanese carmakers yelling at each other.

Hate to say it, but I do like those "baby doing online investing" commercials. Now he's got a black (baby) pal. Cute, cute, cute.

Two and a half to halftime. Bruuuuuuuuuce.

Roethlisberger pass deflected. Intercepted!

Yes, I was invited to a Super Bowl party. Swear to god.

Cards at the two. Take their last timeout.

Warner intercepted in the end zone! Harrison runs it back all the way! Wow. Play is being reviewed. Can't believe Madden said, just before the play, "he could be picked off here."

Touchdown. That hurts. 17-7 Pittsburgh at the hoff. Longest play in Super Bowl history.

Dreamworks, Monsters Versus Aliens. Mebbe.


Actually I can't stand Bruuuuuuuce. He made one album that smoked from beginning to end, and that was circa 1973: The Wild, the Innocent, and the E-Street Shuffle.

He's whippin' 'em up. He looks more like Al Jolson every day.

Tenth Avenue Freezeout. What the hell is Clarence Clemons wearing? Looks like a jewel-encrusted car cover.

Bruuuuuce is looking a little chunky himself. Oh, he just did a knee slide into the camera. Looked like it hurt.

Born to Run. His voice is gone. But he's got the soul patch.

Working on a Dream. His voice is gone.

Glory Days. Little Stevie. He was good on the Sopranos.

"I'm going to Disneyland!" Good. Let's play foosball!

The commercial quality usually plummets in the second half.

Broadway Joe, hauling the Lombardi Trophy, looks old, and shrunken.

Art Rooney thanks Obama for supporting the Steelers "down through the years." Please.

Update: Oh, man, I lost the entire second half. Goddamnit. I made a couple of funnies in there (I claim). Shit.

Update II: One funny: "The bacon had a wet cough." No, I won't explain.

Update III: Not that anybody's asked.

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