Title pending

Post theater critic John Moore on the man who went down--er, brought down the Rev. Ted Haggard:

Mike Jones needs to go away. Fifteen minutes ago.

Has there been a more shameless grab for fame than the aging prostitute/masseur/drug liaison's ongoing effort to parlay his exposure of now-disgraced evangelist Ted Haggard for his own aggrandizement? . . .

Jones made the news three times just last week: First for appearing with sleaze-talker Montel Williams, then for auctioning the massage table on e-Bay that he used to oil up Haggard. Then for e-Bay's decision to yank the auction from its site.

Actually, according to Jones he did more than "oil" Haggard "up" on the infamous table. Moore moralizes:

To me, Haggard is the worst kind of religious hypocrite. The former head of a 14,000-strong Colorado Springs megachurch and president of the 30 million-member National Association of Evangelicals was a staunch opponent of the statewide referendum that would have provided basic legal rights for same-sex couples.

But Jones sent Haggard - and any chance of Referendum I's passage - down the toilet by accusing Haggard just six days before the election with paying him for three years of meth-fueled sex. (Haggard admits only to massages and buying drugs from Jones.) . . .

Mini-digression: can one be accused with something?

Jones thought shining a light under Haggard's bushel [nice, John] so close to the election would bolster I's chances, but it more likely torpedoed it: His tawdry tale introduced stereotypical images into voters' minds intertwining homosexuality with drugs and prostitution and seedy, back-alley sex.

What back alley? They had that nice, comfy, slightly torn massage table.

Pro-I Mayor John Hickenlooper's election message of "It's not marriage, it's fairness" had been carefully tailored to emphasize equal legal rights and responsibilities, mostly to benefit long-term, monogamous, same-sex couples. Goodbye, I. But at least Haggard had the decency to go away.

Jones hired a publicist.

The referendum lost 53% to 47%; no way Jones swung the vote that much. Doubtful he swung it at all, either way.

Moore gets indignant when Jones' publicist sends a press release asking the theater critic to "sit with Jones through a performance of Boulder's Dinner Theatre's [sic] 'Crazy For You.' Seriously: Offering up Jones to a theater critic is scraping the bottom of the barrel."

Oddly, Moore doesn't say whether he accepted. The Drunkablog's guess: no--he'd already reviewed the musical.

Then last month I was invited to a screening of the documentary "Conviction" at the Skylark Lounge. It tells the story of three Dominican nuns who staged a peaceful protest against the Iraq war and served federal prison sentences of up to four years.

"Peaceful" might be stretching things a bit.

"As an amusing bonus," the press release said, "Pastor Ted Haggard is featured throughout the film to explain why supporting war is the genuine Christian choice. Of course, nobody knew what the future held for him when the film was made."

Not quite getting the connection there, but, Jonesward!

And so who did they line up to host the screening and lead the discussion afterward? Mike Jones, described in the press release as "Ted Haggard's former 'business associate."'

That turned my stomach.

What're you, anticapitalist?

This film was the story of three courageous people imprisoned for acting on their beliefs - hosted by a man whose entire life had been conducted in opposition to the teachings of any church. It's not that Jones is evil - he's just offensive. And icky.

The ewwwwww factor'll get you every time.

This sordid affair has left a trail of victims, starting with Haggard's family and all those who put their faith in a flawed, tormented man.

The only decent thing Jones can do now is take a cue from Haggard and go away - before he proves to be the bigger hypocrite.

Yeah, being called a hypocrite might ruin the "prostitute/masseur/drug liaison's" reputation.

Update: I really wanted to title this post, "Gays of Rage," but obviously it doesn't fit. Nobody's mad except Moore. Delusionally thinking the phrase quite clever and original, however, I googled it and found this.