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On CNN's Nancy Grace program right now: "Breaking Developments: MISSING DAD: PANTS FOUND!"

That's a good headline. Missing Dad's been missing in the Oregon woods for a week. His wife and daughter were rescued after eating berries and burning tires (or maybe vice versa) to survive. Expert: we'll probably never know why Missing Dad took his pants off.

Next up, not at all surprisingly: the 2-month-old brought to a hospital in Colorado Springs yesterday with a blood-alcohol level of 0.364. The girl's mother says she inadvertently mixed vodka the father had put in a water bottle with the baby's formula.

Oh no, Grace has a profiler on to comment. The profiler says, rather sensibly, that it could well have been an accident, but if it wasn't, psycho city, man.

Now a psychologist. I miss what she says, but hear Nancy say the baby was "loaded."

Now a doctor, who rather poetically says the little girl will need "the tincture of time" to recover. Grace asks, "So she'll just have to sleep it off?" Class act.

Update: Really, Nancy Grace seems a very unpleasant woman.

Update II: I can also understand why the boyfriend or husband or whatever would have vodka in a water bottle. He drove his girlfriend to the store to buy diapers. He was already drunk and wanted to drink more along the way, but be inconspicuous about it. Wallah! (as the French say): vodka in a water bottle. Truth is, I drove with a nalgene bottle full of booze many, many, many times. Alcoholics are dangerous jerks.

Update III: In related news, "what the heck is going on?"

Update IV: They found the pants-less guy. Dead.