If the D-bog's aluminum-riddled brain could focus long enough to hate, it would probably hate the University of Colorado. That's why it (my brain) told me to hoist my tiny unathletic fist in the air when it (again, my brain) heard about CU's nationally televised humiliation by Texas in the Big 12 championship yesterday.
Seventy to three. Sev. En. Ee. to Th. Ree.
And yet this world-historical defeat (at least, to CU fans) hardly seems large enough to bear the weight of what it symbolizes.
Let's see. Was it Colorado's sex, drugs 'n' booze football recruiting scandal that came first? Or the multiple allegations of rape against the team, including from the first female Division I football player?
Or maybe it was CU coach Gary Barnett's timely and sensitive remarks on the subject?
Or the equally sensitive comments by CU president Betsy "Terms of Endearment" Hoffman, and her strange inability to fire the coach she "swore" by?
And that's only the stupid football team. We're not even up to the many and varied oddities of CU's handling of the Ward Churchill case. And we're not going into it tonight, either, for Christ's sake, or into the intellectual bankruptcy of an entire scholarly field the Churchill scandal revealed. Here's Pirate Ballerina. And here's the Crotchy's huge pile of stories. Go nuts.
Anyway, things are so bad at CU a caller to former CU quarterback (and Barnett defender) Charles Johnson's radio show yesterday suggested the team hire Churchill as coach. It's an idea. Ward probably wouldn't be any worse than Barnett (except for the smoking on the sidelines), and he might even be more truthful and less disgustingly sexist than Barnett turned out to be.
But probably not.