Urinetown: The Documentary

The News:

The Denver City Council tonight may get its first glimpse at what a bottle of urine looks like.

Once again, spoiled politicians show how isolated they are from the real world.

Protesters opposing an ordinance that would prohibit people from carrying certain items that could block access or deter police during the Democratic National Convention are planning to express their opposition with theatrics when the council takes up the ordinance on final consideration.

The ordinance would make it illegal to carry items such as chains, padlocks and noxious substances, such as buckets of urine and so-called feces bombs, if the intent is to use them to obstruct streets, sidewalks, buildings or emergency equipment, or hinder crowd control measures.

So if the bucket of urine you happen to be carrying is for purposes other than obstructing sidewalks, etc., it's legal. God bless America.

"I think some people are just going to talk about how foolish (the ordinance) is, and I think some people will want to have like a symbolic showing of how foolish it is," Glenn Spagnuolo, an organizer with the Re-create 68 Alliance protest group, said this morning.

When Spagnuolo was asked if that included bottles of what looked like urine, he said: "We're a law-abiding group, and if (a bottle of urine is) going to be illegal, we need to turn it in somewhere.". . .

Civic-minded, ain't he? But that gives me an idea. Maybe the cops could conduct one of those trade-in deals like they do in some cities for guns--you know, let people trade their (now) illegal jars of urine in for free tickets to a Nuggets or Rockies game, no questions asked. (Hey, I'm civic-minded too.)

Spagnuolo was referring to a story about the ordinance that appeared in the New York Post in which Councilman Doug Linkhart was quoted as saying that a source told him that he knew of a home where protesters were storing urine in preparation for the DNC, which runs from Aug. 25-28.

Spagnuolo said he wants Linkhart to disclose his source. He called Linkhart's comments "irresponsible and slanderous."

"We want an apology or he should resign from being a council member (for) engaging in this type of fear mongering in our community," he said.

Linkhart confirmed the report, but he said he didn't have first-hand knowledge that protesters were storing urine.

"I was just quoting a firefighter," Linkhart said. "I trust him. Don't we all trust firefighters?"

Good one, Doug. (Jesus.)

The council is holding a one-hour courtesy public hearing on the ordinance. The council meeting, which starts at 5:30 p.m., is in Room 450 of the City and County Building downtown.

Update: As opposed, you hopeless marmot-abusers, to Urinetown: The Musical.