NorthDenverTribuneWatch!

Many Drunkablog readers I meet during promotional visits to airport restrooms (topical humor) ask me, "Mr. Drunkablog, darling, why don't you just let this feature die? After all, it is not funny"--often even before they ask for spare change.

Always I tell them the truth: I have no imagination.

And now, NorthDenverTribuneWatch!

Damn, three issues of the paper sitting here and I can't find a single interesting item. Well, that's just too bad--for you! For there are many uninteresting items:

Front page: "20 years of NW optimism" (piece on the Northwest Denver Optimist Club); "The power of the pow-wow" (about Brown Elementary's Transnat--I mean International Baccalaureate Program and its "annual celebration of the soul of the American people, the Native American Indian" (as opposed, of course, to the immigrant American Indian); "Oktoberfest moves to Ballpark location"; Pipe band scores tenth" (in the world, you cynical bastards); and so on.

Inside: well, how about "Citizen Readers delight crowd in Elitch Carousel Pavilion"; "Saint Mary Magdalene celebrates 100 years in neighborhood" (jeez, and I always thought she was just some old bum); "Many educational programs have taken place over past 100 years"; and "Denver public works seeks input about sidewalk conditions."

Wow. And only one "Crime Beat." In between homey sounding but strange [update: and as Caz points out in comments, stupid] advice ("Now is a great time to talk to your children about the importance of 'stranger danger'"), "Crime Beat" writer and Denver cop Kristin Jacoby quotes Douglas Adams:

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.

Talk about police brutality.

Finally, the editor of the North Denver Tribune recounts her experience teaching journalism at North High School: "These past few weeks with North High School students have proven to be exhilarating and consumptive."

No doubt.