Dear Mr. President:
We write to you concerning the Department of Homeland Security and Department of Defense. Because Hank Brown did not look to the interests of Colorado when he recommended firing Ward Churchill, we are asking for your intervention.
Jeez, that's a more polite opening than probably 99 percent of the letters Bush gets. Just as crazy, maybe, but more polite.
Specifically we ask you to empower an individual to prepare a press release or "leak" in the next week by culling from FBI, CIA and DoD on Ward Churchill, especially in 2005. We ask you to admit that your agents have carried out activities undercover to embarrass the pro-Ward Churchill camp. In particular, we ask that you admit that there were various attempts to pin death threats on our organization and affiliates by undercover agents. . . .
Cool how they put "leak" in quotes and say "activities undercover" instead of "undercover activities." But they're being totally paranoid. Why would the FBI try to embarrass the pro-Ward camp when they're doing such a good job of it themselves?
Mr. President, you have the power to straighten out a few problems with the minimum fuss and the most protection of citizens' privacy. As you know, we are an organization of low public credibility [whaaaaaa?--ed.] and so if we have to force the truth out by our means it will be clumsy and tip more applecarts than need to be tipped. And the possibility that people should lose their jobs afterwards will increase.
MIM. Always so thoughtful. I bet Security Minister calls his mom every Sunday.
It is our opinion that some of the initial problem is that that was exactly what the FBI was doing--tipping some applecarts in matters that should not have been mixed together--when this problem started.For shame, FBI, tipping applecarts into mixed-together matters. Speaking of applecarts, have some more word salad:
Your agents are asking us to submit to standard Cold War procedure, but they do not think small enough to give Ward Churchill the fair shot he deserves in Colorado public opinion and also protect the privacy of citizens. It is also important not to follow standard procedure, because the death threats and provocations are against ordinary citizens, not affiliated with MIM. In fact, we ask that you assign someone not so scary [I bet Security Minister calls his mom every Sunday and Wednesday--ed.], perhaps to break the bad news privately to the individual(s) threatened. No one needs someone from DoD, FBI or CIA on their doorstep. We also ask that the press release refer to anonymous individuals, so as to respect privacy.Uh-huh.
Huh? What do you suppose it is MIM's always threatening besides out-of-control axe-grinding and applecart-tipping? They never say, which makes it, you know, really scary.
We do not bother to complain about death threats and sick rape fantasies against our female members [I knew it! Try-Works is an FBI front!--ed.]. We have also witnessed threats against a few faculty members' jobs at the University of Colorado by undercover agents with an axe to grind against Ward Churchill [nah, he's way too soft to grind an axe against--ed.], who has done original work on the FBI.
All that we ask this year [this year?--ed.] is an admission by your staff and an illustration for the press that does not use names. If your staff would be so good as to explain the principles at work, and admit errors, we will declare ourselves satisfied [Condi: "Seems fair to me, Mr. President"]. Otherwise, let this stand as an explanation to the public why journalists sometimes have to use the means they do.
Update: Mistuh WC: "T]he Maoist International Movement have used their weekly papers to advance some of the best analysis of my case and its implications yet published."