Everything's getting better

Hilarious thread at Ace of Spades on a post noting (as many have), the sudden reappearance after the election of good news on various fronts. Commenters were asked to report sudden good news of their own. Some of the winners:

I finally coughed that thing up!--Rita Cosby.

Hey, my arm grew back! Thanks!--Def Leppard's drummer.

Shakespeare! Finally!--Million typing monkeys.

A couple of other favorites:

I don't have to have my anal glands squeezed anymore! Thanx, Nancy!--Scooby Doo.

The dingos gave my baby back!--Aussie chick.

Ward Churchill even makes an appearance:

So, I guess this means I get my job back, right? With back pay? Sweet. Everything's coming up Ward, baby!--Ward Churchill.

Ward Churchill invited me over to see his little Eichmann!--Cindy Sheehan.

Be warned: the thread is over 1400 comments long.

Update: Forgot to mention that there are even a few "slice like a fuckin' hammer" jokes. That'll take some of you blogeezers back.