I do not need glasses

Goddamnit. The D-A-W is always going, "You want to use my [reading] glasses?" when I'm reading something just fine, if at arm's length. A couple of years ago I was in the doctor's office reclining on the table or whatever with my book and the nurse comes in and says, "You know, we could probably rig something up to suspend your book from the ceiling so you can read more comfortably."

Bitch.

See, back in the day I could have been a fighter pilot, if they went only by eyesight and not eyesight, intelligence, reflexes, intelligence, mathematical-type skills, good looks, engineering skills, intelligence, and George Bush.

Actually I could still be a fighter pilot, except for the above, and the fact that I've shrunk to 4'9" and couldn't see over the plane's dashboard (that's what it's called, right?).

There's only one thing I have trouble reading: the two-point type on the various bottles of yard poison a householder naturally accumulates. This has led to many comical episodes involving dead dogs and Peter Coyote in a hazmat suit.

But I do not need glasses.

Update: Yeah, I stooped to an easy "Bush is dumb" joke, though I know perfectly well that the smartest man in the universe, the SCoaMF, is, at best, exactly as smart, IQ-wise, as Chimpleron-X7, and that John Kerry was dumber. No links, look for yourself.