Laziest scam-mail ever

From one "Jimi Sanchez." In full:

Beloved,

I am Elizabeth Etters, a Christian.I picked your email randomly for an inheritance of $18M. Please contact me for more details via [redacted].

Beloved, huh? Well, who's Jimi, Liz? Always screwing around on me, then coming back and offering me $18 million. It's not enough, Lizzie. In fact, you have many who outdo you in wanting to give me money. And they love me much more than you do.

Update: Okay, this one beats all. It's from FedEx:

FedEx provides access to a growing global market place through a network of supply chain, transportation, and business and related information services.

Yes yes?

The FedEx courier Service Company is hereby passing an essential message to all our valuable customers to be very careful while presenting their Receivers/Residential Address to avoid wrong delivery. Authoritatively, this is the FedEx courier service company mailing you in respect of your parcel that was brought to this company to be delivered to you by one JOHN PETER. Before the delivery protocols commenced, there was a misunderstanding between you and the National Insurance Corporation of Nigeria (NICON) over the Insurance Certificate which caused the delay of you receiving your parcel for the past one year.

Now that you mention it, I do have some vague recollection . . .

Meanwhile we are happy to inform you that the FedEx has finalized everything with the (NICON) and subsequently approved yours among the 24 valuable parcels' to be couriered after the released of the parcels from the (NICON)We are happy to inform you once again that your parcel that contains a cheque worth $3 Million is among the 24 parcel's listed which is now in our office and also with your name as the receiver despise that we lost your private residential address which is an indication that you can now re-send your residential address back to the FedEx company where your parcel can be delivered to you without hesitation.

Yes yes?

Meanwhile remember that the sender of this parcel JOHN PETER. still owes this company the sum of $105 before the incident occued. Know you that we have spent some money in the process by recovering back your parcel. We once again appreciate your patronage.

Check's in the mail!

Without hesitation you are to pay for just the balance [I said, check's in the mail!]left by your sender via western union money transfer so that your parcel can be delivered to your residential address before it attracts demurrage.

Demmurage, eh?

Your parcel is not just an ordinary parcel but with a huge amount and I think you understand what I mean by accumulating a demurrage? [Now I do!] Which you will not allow to happen to the recovered parcel that almost gone if not for the love that the good God has for you and I. I urge you to make hay while the sun shines. We assure you that your parcel will arrive your country within 3 days as soon as this company receive your full residential address and the balance left by you and the tracking number of your parcel will be sent to you via e-mail immediately so that you can track it yourself to see whether we are competent in the discharge of our duties.

FedEx loves me!

FedEx courier Service Company do hereby inform all their customers to be at alert especially with allsorts of scam mails that might be coming to you Globally. Be careful with their e-mails so that your parcel will not be in danger with their evil.

And they're looking out for me!

Update II: I spent at least two minutes diligently looking for the Three Stooges doing the "Yes yes?" routine. No luck.